Where are my positive attitude peeps?  Are you the one who sees the glass as full? The one smiling to make others smile? Are you the cheerleader, the motivator, the  inspirer?  I am.  I want to see the world a better place, but I also want to see that I played a part in making it a happier journey for anyone that meets me. 

By profession, I motivate.  When I personal train clients, it’s my job to get them pumped and believing in themselves so they are better able to crush their goals.  As a wellness coach, it’s my job to help people thrive in all aspects of their lives and to help them find a flow in life that creates the best experiences for them.  When I write, I’m either making someone laugh or inspiring them or giving them hope.  The best is when I can do all three and be relatable.  We all share something in common at some point after all.  When I speak to clients privately or in a group, I aim to help them feel empowered, strong, and excited about what lay ahead. 

What happens when the motivator needs motivating? When the inspiring needs to be inspired? When the hopeful need some hope? We are all human, including those of us who cheer everyone else up.  If you know, you know.  What I find many times is an internal struggle.  If I show that I am human, will I still be able to be the motivator? Will it be a good thing to show vulnerability? As in, allow others to see the human roller coaster of emotions that we all encounter?  Sometimes, we all just need to vent.  My mother always gave me space to cry and vent and get it off my chest (whatever “it” was). Then it was time to regroup and come up with a plan and move forward.  Being able to do this is SO under rated! Imagine not doing it… over and over again… It’s not always easy to be your own cheerleader, especially for years.  I can easily give others advice, reassure them that it’s a strength to know you need to vent.  It’s healthy to get something off of your chest, cry, and then come up with a plan and move on.  But how do we do that when we don’t know where and who and when?  When the motivator needs to vent, many times those they choose to vent to do not know how to respond. They are caught off guard by their belief that somehow the motivator could experience a negative emotion from time to time.

When we have lost a loved one, people know we may breakdown and cry and need to be upset and they expect it. We have support. It’s just like anyone else that goes through something big. When someone has tragedy hit, people are wonderful at being there for them and expect that they need support. What about when the day to day little stuff adds up though? What about then? When you are the positive, happy, smiling one always picking everyone else up and reminding others that the glass is indeed full and they are truly blessed… well what does that translate to when you have a bad day or week or just the normal crap gets to you because you’re a human being?

We are unique individuals, but we will experience all human emotions and that’s ok. I urge my cheerleader friends to allow yourself to be vulnerable and find someone to rely on who won’t judge you or think you’re not the cheerful one in general, just because you had a bad day. Keeping things in and figuring it out on your own sucks after a while. It gets old. I know this because I live it. I also know I am blessed and successful and happy. I am grateful too. We can be all of these things at once! That’s the beautiful, complicated way of being human. Imagine a world where we didn’t judge one another for going through day to day human experiences and coming out scarred? Imagine if we supported one another and made it so those around us knew they could be vulnerable and it was safe? Imagine a world where we reached out to help others, even when they seemed fine?

Please don’t let your friends go day after day and assume all is well. When you ask how someone is doing, really ask and care about their response. Check in on ALL your friends, whether you think they need it or not. When it comes down to it, we all have something that can be heavy, that weighs us down from time to time. We all have stuff we keep to ourselves at the risk of seeming whiny or ungrateful or worrying that we are bugging someone else with our crap. But that’s a difficult world to live in. I think we all feel the weight of that, whether or not we are widows or divorced or have kids or don’t. I recently got some stuff off my own chest and allowed myself not to care if I was looking vulnerable. Thank God I had a person I knew wouldn’t judge and would listen. I am grateful for this cheerleader and for having a cheerleader for a change. Check on your friends. And remind them to check on you. Let’s lighten our loads. Trust me, you’re not alone. You will realize as you connect and open up to others that there are way more people going through the same stuff as you than you think. Too many of us allow it to build up until we think we might break under the weight of it all. Remember, the best therapists are the ones who have their own therapist!

So start today and let’s make the world a lighter place for each other. I’ll dust off my pom poms ready to cheer you on my friend. You’ve got this… and so do I.

For my kids and anyone else who might wonder if they should still believe in Santa…

Christmas morning has always been about the magic. The excitement in the air was enough to make any kid explode! This magic was never just Christmas morning however. In my house, the Christmas season has always been about the anticipation of the arrival of Santa and the celebration of the birth of Christ. The anticipation and the enjoyment of each and every step, event, party, and tradition has always been what brings us joy at the holidays! Joy is from watching how wonderful people truly can be to each other. Joy is seeing miracles happen when people come together. Joy is just being with loved ones and appreciating what and who we are so very blessed to have in our lives. The magic of the Christmas season has always and will always be something available to each and every one of us, if we choose to see it. So, a little history lesson to help you see where some traditions have come from…

St. Nicholas was a real person. He was Bishop of Myra in the third century. He came from an affluent family, was orphaned, and raised by his uncle. He became a saint because of the people he saved. He was generous with his riches and loved giving gifts, especially to children. Nicholas was a Christian and extremely vocal when it came to defending Jesus as the son of God. He died on December 6th. The story of St. Nicholas and his life is true. His generosity and his love for Jesus are both a part of the legacy he left behind.

I remember driving with my mom and my best friend somewhere. It was towards the end of September and there was a little chill in the air. We girls were in the back of the caravan and my mom put on the Christmas music. Now I cannot remember if she did it on her own or if we asked for it, but we all sang along and had fun thinking about the season that lay ahead. It became kind of a joke as each year came along. How long will we wait after Labor Day to start playing the Christmas music? There was no social media back then, so nobody to start a huge controversy and try to tell us we were nuts. (Well, there were probably a few friends at school, but we ignored them!) Why wouldn’t we want to listen to Christmas music a little early? The Christmas season brought such magic! It wasn’t just the magic of Santa. It wasn’t just making a list for Santa and the thrill of waiting for Christmas morning until everyone was awake. It was so much more than presents. I have always felt the magic! There is a wonder to the season! Christmas lights spread glitter on the world around us. People that haven’t spoken all year make that phone call or pay that visit. We bake and cook and are brought back by scents reminiscent of places and people and things that have made a difference in our lives and, many times, made us who we are today.

There is a solid difference in the world at Christmastime. But, as in happiness, it’s all about our perspective. Just as we choose whether or not we will be happy regardless of the world around us, we also choose whether or not to see the magic regardless of other’s opinions.

People give more during the holidays. This is true around the world. In the name of St. Nicholas and his legend, we celebrate, not only the birth of Jesus, but the magic that surrounds the entire time of year! St. Nicholas Day is December 6th, but, over time, his generosity and legend have been celebrated as part of the celebration of the day when we also celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Over thousands of years, traditions have been created that promote generosity and giving in the name of Jesus. Both men lived to serve others. What better way to come together and honor their lives than through similar traditions? Now, obviously as society changes, traditions do change as well. Some traditions, however, do stay the same.

Every year as the days get shorter and the darkness comes earlier (especially here in New England), the world around us becomes alive in the shower and sparkle of dots of Christmas lights. As we are out and about, we see beautiful decorations and festive displays. The grocery stores restock our favorite holiday treats. We see the joy and anticipation in children as they are warned to be good or they won’t be on the nice list (as they bounce off the walls from excitement). It’s an exciting time of year! Christmas is here! There are miracles all around us, all year long. For the month or so leading up to Christmas, we see these miracles clearer. Hearts are open. Generosity abounds!

I have many memories from my past 47 Christmases. I remember the excitement of seeing my cousins that I didn’t see much throughout the year. I remember my mom’s recipes, her meatballs, her sweet bread. I remember going to the mall to shop with my friends and the pure joy in deciding what to get for my brother. Would it be a joke gift from Spencer’s this year? Most definitely! I remember church with my mother on Christmas Eve and her voice just a bit off-key singing Adeste Fideles. Then we would drive past the billions of lights at LA Salette Shrine to my aunt’s house where I would get to play with my cousins for a second time in just a few weeks! I remember Santa always making a visit there and the beautiful hand crafted gifts that my aunt had taken the time to create for each of her children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, and siblings. I remember hearing old stories and loved thinking about my mom as a kid. As I grew older, new traditions began and some of the old were lost, but the magic is always still here, waiting for us to open our eyes and our hearts to see it. As a mother, some traditions from my childhood have held the test of time and some have been added while others have changed. I don’t remember all the gifts I received from Santa or from my parents throughout the years. There are a few I remember that stood out, but mostly because they were super funny joke gifts and laughing is my favorite.

There has never in my life been a time when I stopped believing in Santa Claus. He brings magic to me and my life and very clearly to the world in a similar way that we honor Jesus and his love for all people. As both men are celebrated each year, we are invited to not only believe in the magic ourselves, but to spread this magic to others!

Getting to be a parent at Christmas made the holiday even better. Bringing this magic to my own children is a gift like no other. It’s so clear to see the magic reflected in their eyes. If you ever stop believing, just watch a child at Christmas. Look at the wonder and joy in their faces. Wonder and joy that fill the soul with such love! As a parent, I have created magic for my children, but I have also still seen it around me!

I will assume that if you believe in Christmas and the true meaning of it, that you also believe in God. We believe in God without seeing an actual person in front of us, without what some would call tangible evidence. We walk in faith! We choose to believe in something, in someone, we have never seen in physical form! We base this on stories we have heard from our pasts and on traditions, but also possibly on the miracles we see throughout our lives. We may have times in our lives when we question what we believe in, as our children tend to do with Santa as they get into their early tween years. We learn in the church that questioning faith is indeed a part of faith! We question faith and God, but then we also pray to God in tragedy and thank God in good times. For most people, we question, but still, as part of our core beliefs, we do believe there is a God. Why is it so hard for some people to believe in Santa Claus in this exact same way?

If you are a kid questioning the existence of St. Nick, a parent hoping to keep the magic alive for your children and for yourself, or anyone who may have stopped believing years ago, I invite you back. I invite you to see the magic. I invite you to open your heart. I invite you to experience the wonder that is the Christmas season. I ask you, what harm does it do to choose to see love, magic, and generosity all around you? I know I believe in Santa Claus! Do you?

Twenty years. Holy crap. Twenty years since I saw your face, since I stood next to you, since I heard your voice. Twenty years doesn’t seem possible, especially when I still feel like I’m 30. I think of you all the time. I see my kids, your nieces and nephews, do things and hear them say things and I wish you were here to be a part of it. I wish you were here to laugh with me and tell stories together from when we were growing up. I wish you were here to make me laugh like only you could, even when times were tough. I wish you were here for advice, help, fun. When we lose someone, so often we think about the “what if”. I do this too. What if you were still here? Would my kids have more cousins? Would they have a crazy uncle who spoiled them rotten? Would you go crazy with me at their games? Would you and I collaborate in our careers? You had such an amazing way with words, Mike. You motivated people and inspired people. I feel purposeful when I am doing the same. I would like to think we would have some sort of grand project going together. It’s funny, when you’re younger, the way you view the world. I knew we were similar in our features, but, as an adult, I realize we had more than that in common. We have very similar personalities. I find that our personalities are a blessing from both of our parents. One thing you had that stood out though was the way you could make mom laugh. Anyone who knew you can vouch for that. There was something about what you could say and how you could say it that would just catch her off guard. She would laugh so hard that she couldn’t breathe and would begin to wheeze. This always made the rest of us laugh even harder. I’m not sure I ever thanked you for all the laughs. Thank you. I could use more of those in my life right now. For some reason, teenagers are super sensitive, can’t take a joke, and do not find me as hilarious as I truly am. You would laugh with me… and at me for that matter. It was all good though. Imagine growing up in our house without a thick skin? Yikes!

How do you truly put into words what it’s like to lose your brother when you are 27 years old? How do you put into words how you never stop, over all twenty of those years since, wondering how life would be different, better, with you still in it. I have always taken comfort in knowing that I get those memories to keep. I talk about them even if it’s not as funny to my kids. They can be a tough crowd, kids. I get to keep the best parts of you in my heart. I also get to keep your friends. Thank God for that too!

I remember very clearly when I was in first grade at E. Pole Elementary and you were in 5th. I hated going to school. I missed mom. I remember you having to come down from your classroom to sit with me and help me when I was upset. You hugged me and cheered me up. You were the BEST big brother. Later, when we were awful teenagers, you weren’t so nice to me all the time, but, when it came down to it and I needed you, you still were always there for me. I have no doubt you hear me still today, asking for your help from time to time. That’s what big brothers do. They torture you and steal the remote and push you out of the front seat of the car to sit shotgun. Then they threaten the guy who comes to take you out on a date. They make sure you take advil after you’ve been drinking. They keep you smiling and laughing and joking, always.

There isn’t always a way to form coherent thoughts when you miss someone. Maybe none of this makes sense to the reader. However, my guess is it does make sense to someone else grieving. The one it makes sense to is the one for whom I am writing. It is the one I am hoping to give hope. It is the one that I want to know they are not alone. It is all of the things I have needed and the things that helped. The grief changes, but it never goes away. I am living proof we can love life after experiencing loss and that we can still thrive while simultaneously missing that person. If you get it, you get it. Best brother ever… miss you Mike, even 20 years later.

I woke up to the news today. A legend. Timeless music. An icon. A vibe. A way of life. A true performer. Gone. I learned Jimmy Buffett has passed away. In my mind, he was still so young, at 76. If you followed the man however, you know he lived, really lived, probably many lifetimes. He had a little, or sometimes alot, of himself in many different things. His influence has arguably reached more areas and more people across the globe than most popular figures in our time.

My first thought was how fitting it was that he would pass on September 1st. If you are lucky enough to live in Massachusetts or Rhode Island, then you know for years we were the home of The Labor Day Weekend Show at Great Woods in Mansfield, MA. Every year throughout high school, college, and after, spanning nearly 2 decades, I would go to one of those shows that weekend. We brought our old friends and made new ones there. We wore coconut bras and grass skirts. We drank margaritas and grilled up cheeseburgers in paradise. We were pirates. We watched out for sharks. It was a long, fun, crazy weekend, but come Monday, we would be alright. We didn’t need a change in latitude to change our attitude. That happened through the experience of those concerts. It happened when we were tailgating, sitting in the backs of pick up trucks made into pools and jumping into a limbo competition.

All summer long, we would look forward to the best day and night of summer, Jimmy Buffett. Driving to Great Woods, on the highway, we would wave to other Parrotheads, inflatable sharks on the tops of their cars, inflatable palm trees hanging out the windows. Everyone knew where you were headed.

I’m made for summer. It’s just the way it is. I’m a New England girl who sucks it up for the other three seasons to have, once again, my beloved summers. Labor Day Weekend has always been quite bittersweet for me. I looked forward to that concert, but when it was over, I knew summer was as well. The day after the Jimmy Buffett concert was always the toughest day of the year for me. The build up, the amazing time to send off my favorite season, and then the sadness, the hangover, not necessarily from too much alcohol, but more from SO MUCH FUN.

Well, that’s how I see it fitting that when Jimmy passed over to the other side, it should be Labor Day Weekend. I can’t imagine a more fitting time for a man who emanated exactly what life should be, how life should be lived. A life well-lived has encompassed joy, smiles, kindness, compassion, humor, caring for the world around you, and bringing joy to others. A life well-lived means seeing the world and having a positive impact. It means knowing you truly did it all and touched people in a positive way. Now, Labor Day Weekend, as he sails away and changes latitudes for what is truly paradise, we are sad to see him go. This legend, however, will be celebrated, will live on, and will still bring joy through music and a lifestyle that will never die.

Thank you, Mr. Buffett, for changing my life for the better, for showing me from a young age how to bring joy to my life, and how important it is to also bring joy to the rest of the world. I am, and always will be, proud to call myself a Parrothead.

Rest in the sweetest peace.

Eight years can seem like the blink of an eye or it can be an eternity. At times, somehow, it’s both. Eight years ago my husband died after a 7 month battle with stomach cancer. Many of my readers know this already. Most of the people that follow me and know me, know me to be positive and hopeful. And I am. I believe in using my experience to help others. I know it’s my purpose. I have said before that knowing I have helped and continue to help others to have hope, knowing I motivate and inspire others, gives me strength to persevere when I’m not feeling 100% myself. I have begun to speak on resiliency and having hope and I coach others to help them become the BEST version of themselves. In doing so, sometimes I find myself smiling when I really don’t feel it, acting like everything is great for me, when sometimes it’s not.

Does this mean I’m not hopeful and positive? No. It means I’m human. I find that I forget that. I don’t always give myself the grace that I tell others to give themselves. One of the main reasons I believe myself to be successful at being inspirational is because I am open and honest and authentic. People listen to my story and they know that I’m not just saying what I’m saying. They listen and know that I have been through things that should have tore me down, but I got up, I fought. The thing is, I still fight. I find myself not being as open about that at times because perhaps someone who has been inspired by me could think I’m falling. Maybe I won’t be viewed as strong or independent or all the things I hope for myself. Here is where I am wrong. By me being authentic, YOU get to see that we are ALL human. You can see that someone can get upset, can have setbacks, can feel defeated, but can also still get back up.

Currently a very dear friend is going through what I went through 8 years ago. She is faced with being told that her husband is in his last days. As I speak with her, I feel it. I feel it all over again. I know her pain. I know it and I find myself choking. I will stay here for her. I will not back down. I will hurt for her and for my past, for myself and for my children. However, my pain will help her to know someone gets it, someone understands. It’s the one thing we all look for. It’s the one thing that can help in some way, knowing that there is someone else that just gets it. A conversation we had today is what sparked me writing this post and knowing that I need to be authentic.

Yes, it’s been 8 years. When your babies are growing up and now one is going away to college, that’s a really long time, a different lifetime altogether. But here is something that people don’t realize: the need for help never goes away. In the first year, everyone helps in every possible way. Fundraisers are given, meals are sent, people are taking care of the kids and helping you clean your house and reaching out in so very many ways. As time goes by, it all comes to a halt. I promised my friend that I will always be here: tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, in 10 years, always. And I will. Because I know what it’s like when the people and the help goes away. I know what it’s like to not want to ask for help and to suffer instead. I know what it’s like to say I’m fine when I’m not, to wonder how I’ll make it work, to smile when I want to cry. I know what it’s like when people forget.

I’m not putting this post out here to gather up your pity, not at all. I’m putting it out here because if you know what I mean, you know what I mean. I grew up in a family with parents who taught us to help whenever and wherever we could because it truly does take a village. If you feel like the village left you, if you feel like you are supposed to be independent and make it all work and smile so you hate asking for help, you aren’t alone. Here’s the thing I want you to know though, we can experience this, we can be grateful when anyone reaches out, when anyone helps with anything at all, ever. We can also keep hope together. I want you to know that you aren’t alone, but also I want you to know that we got this. It might not always be pretty, but we got this.

I always want to help others. To me, being authentic and open and honest and unapologetic about it, helps YOU more. It helps you to know I’m not just saying what I’m saying, but that I have lived it and that I continue to live it.

That first year after my husband died, everyone helped. Money, cleaning, food, childcare, shoulders to cry on… you name it, I had it. The second year rolls around and now everyone thinks that because you made it through the first year, the first Christmas without him, the first birthday without him, the first family vacation without him… that somehow you’re good now. Those firsts are out of the way. This is so far from the case though. Year two you look around and everyone is gone. You’re left to do it alone now, truly alone. You’re left to have to ask for help when you need it, but you’re too proud. You feel like a failure when you ask for help. You feel weak somehow, but you are stronger than anyone you know. It messes with your head and your heart. You start to feel like if you confide too much in any one friend, they’ll think you just complain too much. You think they’ll get sick of you and stop picking up the phone. You think about how other people have their own crap to deal with, their own families. You feel selfish if you ask them for help. So you do it. You just do it, but you can’t. As years go by, people think you need less and less. I’m here to reach out and let others know that I see you. If you think you should be healed by now, you should be financially stable by now, you should have it all figured out by now, well, you shouldn’t. None of that is true. You can be a hot mess for as long as you need. Sometimes you won’t be. Sometimes you will.

When my husband died without life insurance and left me to raise our four kids alone, we had a very small savings. I also had a father who helped me and eventually moved in. I slowly got back to working. I had people assume so much. Don’t do that to anyone. Ever. My favorite saying is “Don’t let anyone who has never walked in your shoes tell you how to tie your laces”. I had people try to tell me when I should get “back to work” and how long I should wait to date. I had people tell me how to raise my kids, where they should go to school. I have two words for those people. The first starts with an “f”. The second starts with a “y”. You can figure it out. I was left with my oldest almost 10 and needing transfusions once a week, every week. I was left with an 18 month old. I was left with babies who missed their dad and didn’t understand. I was left to try to explain and navigate grief for 4 kids when I didn’t even know how to navigate it for myself. I was left with an entire side of the family that not once reached out to help, in any way, ever. I was left to figure out why my baby couldn’t speak properly, why my daughter couldn’t hear properly, why one kid wouldn’t cry, and to learn to throw a football because my son was heartbroken when a boy told him he could get better at it if he just went home and asked his dad to help him.

I was left with those things at the beginning. I was also left with so much help. Guess what? As the years go by, the challenges don’t ever go away, they just change and they become much more difficult. The money becomes less as life becomes more expensive. Trying to work as much as you would like becomes a challenge because you still are one person with four kids. You still have one who you will always be there for when she gets her weekly transfusions. You have one going off to college and you wonder how to make it work, being so proud, but also having no support to turn to, no other parent or partner, when you’re frustrated or concerned. You still have three that you need to drive to four different sports. You are trying to work as much as possible and make more money for your family. You can’t keep up with cleaning or organizing or fixing things that really need to be fixed. You can’t even manage to figure out how to cook a decent meal for your family most nights or any nights and you hardly have the time to pick up groceries. You are spread so thin. And you still try to make it a point to try to keep sane, to be there for the kids, but also find time for yourself.

I won’t ever stop being here for my friend. I won’t ever stop being here for anyone else that needs me. I know how it feels to feel alone, defeated at times, and not knowing how to make it work. But I do know that it will work. I do know that I will continue to spread a message of hope and that I truly believe in hope, in faith, in better days, and in the good in people. I won’t ever stop being your cheerleader. I won’t ever stop being part of your village. I will NEVER judge you or think you are weak if you ask for my help. I will NEVER do something for you begrudgingly. If I cannot help with something,I will be honest with you, but I will also figure out what I can do now or in the future and I will help you to find whatever could help now if I cannot provide it.

Together we will have hope and continue to get better every day, more personally and professionally successful every day, and we will continue to heal. I won’t ever forget about you. I will continue to reach out. I will always be part of your village. Please keep being a part of mine.

You’re graduating! Holy crap! Look at you all, making it, crushing it, getting it done! I am SO FREAKING PROUD. Somehow that pride keeps welling up in my eyes and rolling down my cheeks dammit.  This entire year has been filled with so many emotions, more than I remember from my own senior year.  The stress you have on you, the expectations, I believe are different than we had. Like all older people,  I blame social media, but that isn’t what matters.  The thing that is the same, is that you have hit a milestone.  There are some REALLY important things that I want to tell you.  There are some things I want you to know.  I’m not sure how much I would listen to if someone told me all of this, but believe me, I wish they had. Heck, maybe they did and I didn’t listen, just like a teenager!  So, maybe this will seem like trite jibber jabber to you, maybe you’ve heard it all before, maybe it will sit back in your brain somewhere and someday in your future, you’ll hear it.  Or maybe you’ll read it and it will hit home and you’ll understand.  Maybe it might help you right now or when you walk across that stage at graduation or when you are moving to a new school or starting new classes at a new place in the fall.  Just do me a favor (because I really do love you more than you can imagine) and read this, the whole thing. Please don’t just skim either.  Read it for me. Read it for you.  Some tips…

As emotional as this is for you, as much as it seems like the ending, like closing a book, it is not.  The book is not over. This is just the end of a chapter. You will end one chapter and start another. Just like in a book, the characters don’t just vanish.  Even the ones that leave in one chapter tend to always come back in another.   Think back on your past 17 or 18 years.  There have already been many chapters.  You have changed, learned, grown, and you have survived them all.  You have watched each other grow too.  Many of you have grown together.  Remember this when you get emotional.  Do not mistake the pride you have for yourself and each other as sadness.  Do not mistake your tears for despair.  Things are changing,  yes, but not like you think they are, definitely not. 

The saying goes something like this, “Make new friends, keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold.”  You will All make new friends. That is an absolute certainty.  You will have other close friendships in your life.  You will meet the person who will become your partner.  You will live with people who you confide in.  You will get to know them and they will get to know you.  They will meet your old friends at some point.  They will see where you grew up. They will meet your family too. 

BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS BE SILVER.

When you look around you, whether you think so or not, your group right now,  these friends, THEY WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR GOLD. 

The friends you have now have seen you grow and change in ways that make them the only ones who can ever truly be gold.  Others will come close, but they can’t be gold.  They weren’t in your life early enough for that.  I can tell you this because I have the silver and the gold in my own life.  I have discussed this with others too.  My BEST friends that I have now are comprised of both. I trust them and love them and have fun with them and appreciate them.  I confide in my silver friends just as much as my gold, in fact sometimes my gold friends don’t even know everything, but not because I don’t want them to, just because we may not talk or see each other as often.  You know I have my gold friends, some I met in first grade, others not until high school.  But boy are those high school years something!  There is a safety, a foundation in these gold friends that will make you always be able to come back to them,  always.  You may actually go weeks, months, or (although unlikely) years without actually seeing them or talking to them. Still, these are the ones who will never skip a beat. You will pick up right where you left off, every single time.  You will have a sense of comfort and being yourself that feels like home.  You know each other’s families.  All of the parents love each and every one of you like you are our own.  You know us too and I think you love us all quite a bit, even if we get on your nerves sometimes.  As you go on different paths in a few months, remember that it is up to you to keep characters in this chapter.  Also remember that it’s alot to take in and there might be some who aren’t as good at the juggling of friends.  Forgive them and don’t take it personally because they are still loving you and there for you.  They will come back in another chapter and it will be ok.  I experienced this myself and cannot express the gratitude I had when my own friendship hadn’t skipped a beat.  All was just understood, the love and history we have erasing the stages of life that just made the train derail for a bit. 

Sorry if you’re sick of reading, but there is more…

Visit me.  My daughter lives here. She will be back.  I just want her friends to remember to come visit too. I love you. If you are in the neighborhood or not, stop by.  I have spent the past 4 or more years with you at my house.  You have eaten food here, made me laugh, slept here, left clothes here that I many times ended up washing.  You have laughed here and some of you have cried here.  You have at times confided in me.  I have given advice that you sometimes took and sometimes you were probably just humoring me. I know it annoyed you when I told you to be quiet at night.  I know it’s a pain in the ass. I know there were times when I was a downright bitch.  Some of it, alot of it, was probably the day I had, the exhaustion, wanting to let everyone let loose all the time and not care about the noise, but just being so mentally and physically drained that I snapped, insisting, not nicely, on quiet. Someday, you will definitely understand.   I am looking forward to you all this summer here and leaving towels all over my house. I love you all being here. I will admit, I have loved every single minute, even when I was calling from upstairs asking for the TV and voices to be turned down even more.  Make sure when you visit that you come hungry. If I haven’t grocery shopped, we will always still find something and figure it out.  You have all become part of the family, just like Joni has become part of yours.  My door will always be open to you.   I will also always be here for you. In any way.  I will help whenever I can. 

I remember what it was like to be 18.  I know that kids do stupid shit sometimes.  I am so grateful for what you guys do tell me.  I am sure you have plenty that you don’t say too.  I know about the kids who got into partying younger than others and I know about the people you avoid.  I know that I am on your ass, obviously mostly my own kid’s ass, but I am SO GRATEFUL for who you are.  I think I can speak for all of the parents here saying that we have AMAZING kids.  You guys are smart, so damn smart, and kind (most of the time!).  You guys have crushed it with sports and working jobs and going to school.  Joni, you have had extra to deal with growing up and nobody is a bigger superhero than you, my love. Nobody.  I do appreciate ALL OF THIS.  It’s still my job to give advice, warn you, teach you, and love you.  It always will be.  I will never stop being the biggest cheerleader and fan you ever had.  That’s just what a mom does.  It’s a mom’s heart and it never goes away. 

Even when you think I hate you or I’m trying to ruin your life or my rules are stupid or my advice is dumb, I am loving you and helping to guide you with all my heart.  As I said earlier, I know what it’s like to be 18.  You guys have so much good in you.  You will face rites of passages, however, just like every other human does.  And it’s ok.  I am here to help. I am on your team. Please don’t forget this.  If you ever end up in a situation where you are unsafe or uncomfortable, call me. Text me. There will be no punishment or lecture.  My top priority is for you to be safe.  Don’t be afraid of calling me. Please.  I know you are all amazing people. Parents never want their kid to make a bad choice, but every human has done it and you will too.  It sometimes is how we learn and we all need to learn.  Maybe you’ll watch other people do stupid shit and learn from that too.  I hope it’s mostly that, but if your time comes and you need help, I am always here for you. 

Learn to find your own voice. Some people never do. You are the only one has to live YOUR life. There will always be times when you need to decide you like something or want something or want to try something new or need to make a tough decision. It’s always helpful to ask for advice and to weigh options and think about some decisions more than others, but your friends should not decide for you what you do or like or where you go. Just because it makes them happy, doesn’t mean it will be right for you. That’s perfectly fine too. You are each unique in your own way and that’s what makes you fit together. When you became friends, it was because something attracted you to each other, don’t ever try to change that about each other or anyone. Don’t try to change yourself, EVER, to accommodate someone else’s version of who they want you to be.

That being said, learn to use your voice and speak up and always do it with kindness and respect. It is possible always to speak your truth with kindness. There will be people who don’t want to hear your truth, who disagree with you, who won’t respect you. Those are not your people. If they are people close to you, always give them time to come around and ask nicely why they think or feel how they do. Considering someone’s feelings is different than changing who you are for them. Remember that.

Another thing about the opinions of others… the only time you listen to your friends, is when they see red flags for a potential partner and are trying to help you see them too. Friends and parents want to protect you. It’s different if there isn’t a reason for a friend saying not to go out with someone and they just don’t like the person. They aren’t the one spending time with them and sometimes friends will even get jealous of potential partners. It’s normal and we all see it sometime. Just listen when they point out something that is fact and valid. They are helping to keep you safe and save you from possible heartache as well.

College is hard. So is life. Luckily, not all the time. If you choose one path right now, it doesn’t mean it’s set in stone for the rest of your life. There is a difference between something being difficult, but worth the hard work or something making you feel like it’s something you absolutely dread. Life is meant to be joyful. And, yes, sometimes it will be hard work to get to your goals, but when you know it is your purpose, that’s the good hard. You likely haven’t even lived a quarter of your lives yet. If you realize you actually don’t like the career choice you thought you would or the college you chose, then never be afraid to stop that path and choose something else! If it doesn’t feel right for you and you don’t like it, but you don’t yet know what path to take, that’s ok too. There is no one right way to do life! The people that tell you there is or think there is are the most miserable people! Life is too short to be miserable. It’s not always easy to find your joy in a world full of expectations and voices and pressures, but please don’t ever let those voices and expectations and pressures make you forget that this is YOUR life and YOUR happiness! I once had someone tell me about a decision that I made, “Oh my, that’s just horrible. Don’t you think you have wasted a wonderful opportunity?” I had told them about a difficult decision I had made to switch gears on my path when I was younger. It ended up being the best thing I could have done for myself at that time. If you ever feel like you have no clue what to do next, get some time, peace, and quiet. Sit in the still and allow time for yourself to figure it out. You’ve got plenty of years, taking one of them or more to figure out the path you need IS part of the path! If you are being a productive member of society, you are kind, you feel joy and are around people you love who love you, that is what matters most. You’ll get there. Have faith in yourself and your own ability to write your story. I have no doubt it will be amazing and perfect and exactly what your unique story should be.

If anyone ever tells you that high school was the best four years of their life, pray for them. High school years are not going to be the best you ever live. You have so much more to see and learn about yourself and the world. You have so many places to go and people to meet. I hope many of those people are nothing like you. I hope they have a different culture and different ideas. I hope that you open your mind and give them a chance. You have so much to learn from them, good or bad, and you also have so much to teach them too! Never forget where you came from. You were so blessed to grow up here. People spend thousands of dollars a week to visit where we get to live. Never take that for granted. There is always a home here for you and a life waiting to be built. Don’t get so stubbornly independent that you think you’ll break out of these small towns and never come back. See the world, but know that settling down here means giving your children the same beauty you were given. It also means you will always have a babysitter and someday that will mean something to you. There is always space for whatever you want to do here. The world needs you and so do we.

I know you haven’t liked the rules. I know you haven’t liked to be told what to do,to have to do chores, to tell us where you’re going and to check in. I know you want to be independent and carefree. So much of that has been supported by us, the parents. When you live in a dorm or you work at a job or even when you go to get groceries or sit in a restaurant, there are rules. Heck, there are some I think are really stupid. Rules are there to keep us and others safe. We taught you that when you were a toddler. Imagine no rules? The world is chaotic enough, appreciate boundaries. By parents giving you boundaries, you will learn how to set your own. That comes in handy. Trust me. Even if you live with a group of college kids or young adults someday, your own place will have rules and you will understand it is to keep it fair, peaceful, safe, and that it makes life easier in so many ways for everyone. Imagine if you were never taught how to share, to be kind, to pick up after yourself, to be somewhere on time, to respect others, or even that we don’t throw things?!? You wouldn’t make a very good roommate or friend or spouse or team mate or employee or business partner someday.

Give us parents some credit. Right now you think you’re pretty awesome. You are correct. How did that happen? Where did that come from? You weren’t raised by wolves. If you were, then you probably wouldn’t be so damn afraid of spiders and the basement. You were raised by a person or people that love you more than you will know until you have your own child. Right now, you look at us and you love us and that love feels like it fills you so much you could not possibly love anyone more. Then you have a kid. And you realize you never knew love, not like this. You are quite literally a part of us and for all the attitude and eye rolls and you saying you hate us from time to time, we wouldn’t change you being here for anything in the world. Also, we know even when you say you mean it, that you don’t. We know you love us. We know when life gets hard, you take it out on us sometimes. It doesnt mean we like it or that it’s ok, but we do know you still love us. When I lost my mom at 25, I thought there was nothing in the world that could ever happen as horrible as that. I was right for my life at that time, but then I had kids. Joni, I watched you and your siblings lose Dad. You were so young. I lost him too. But the pain that I felt for you kids was always and has always been worse because I saw your hearts breaking. When you see your kid’s heart breaking and you can’t fix it, well, that’s just one of the ways that I can absolutely tell you without a doubt, that your parents will always love you no matter what, and to an extent that you won’t understand right now. That’s ok though. Someday maybe your paths will take you there. So remember as we nag you and annoy you and you can’t wait to break free, that the heart of a mom or dad is the biggest one you’ll ever be loved by.

On that note, this has been a crazy year and we parents haven’t seen much of you. We miss you. Alot. Remember in all your social calendar events to keep some time for us. Remember to swap houses when everyone hangs out because we parents aren’t ready to have it quiet around here yet.

Joni, I remember when Daddy and I brought you home from the hospital. You were 4lbs 5 oz. sound asleep in your car carrier. We put you in the middle of the kitchen table and we just stood there, looking at you. Then we looked at each other and said, “What the hell do we do now?” That is not exaggeration. That is exactly the first thing that happened. We had no clue. We just stared at you. We were so afraid to mess something up. I didn’t have my mother to help me, but I had others, thank God. You were so tiny. You fit in 18″ doll clothes. Everyone called you “Little Baby Joni”. Since that day, I have tried to make the best decisions, many of them on my own. I have watched you learn and grow. I have not always done or said the right thing or what you wanted at the time, but I am proud of you and I am proud of me. Graduating from high school is big, but it isn’t your first milestone and it certainly won’t be your last either. Still, it’s a milestone for both of us. You are my first. I am blessed with four amazing children who will each pave their own way and I am excited to see what the future holds for your siblings as well. Now, however, is YOUR time. You are going to walk across that stage and I am hoping to be able to see it through my tears of joy and pride. The future holds everything you could ever imagine you wanted for yourself and the things you don’t even know you want yet. It can be exciting and scary and it better mostly be fun. I am here for it all. I can’t wait to see what you do next. I love you so much, my baby. Now onto one hell of a summer!

Hi Bobby, I don’t even know where to start this year. I have to say that there are many times you not being here has felt surreal, but this year it feels different. It’s hard to explain. It feels like my life with you was a completely different lifetime, some other world. Eight years doesn’t seem long, but sometimes I just look at all that has happened in those 8 years and at how different our lives are and how much the kids have grown and changed and it really is an entirely different life. The past few weeks has been extra emotional for me. I know some years it hits harder than others. This entire year has been extra emotional. I’m guessing that explains it. Like I said, I don’t know where to start, but I’ll just start. I know you are always with us, seeing all of these things we do, but telling you about them still feels necessary, maybe not for you, but for me.

Joni is graduating high school in a few weeks! That hits me hard. Mostly because I am just so freaking proud of her! She has battled up some tough hills. I look at her and just don’t understand how the time has passed. Little baby Joni isn’t little, well, yes she is still quite petite, but she will be 18 in just about a month! She has been a three sport athlete, gotten amazing grades, and works two jobs as well. She is going to Bridgewater State in the fall. She got into the honors program and will study early childhood education. She is so amazing with kids. They absolutely love her. She is so much like me in so many ways, but also her own unique person. I see me in her, but don’t let her know because I’m not very cool. Maybe I’ll be cool when she is a little older. I think I’m cool, but moms, in general , I guess are not. Senior prom is this weekend. Would have been a nice time to have a dad around! I got this. I know.

Hanna is a sophomore and in the health program. She plays three sports too. She loves lacrosse the most. She turned 16 this past April. Get this, she is taller than both Joni and Brody! Little baby Heehee hit that growth spurt we were waiting for! She has a beautiful heart and is a super smart student. Both of the girls work at Somerset Creamery. You know with my love of ice cream, it’s the best thing ever. She wanted to see Taylor Swift for her birthday and somehow we got tickets online right when they went on sale. I’m so happy she can have this experience. I was thinking this morning about how if you were here, you would have insisted on taking her because I’m pretty sure you loved Taylor Swift more than anyone else. You knew all the words to all her songs! It was the cutest thing when you would sing it with the girls.

Brody is a teenager! He has grown into such a handsome, smart, wonderful young man. He loves baseball and is an umpire for the little kids this year and also playing Babe Ruth. He is a catcher like you were. He will be a freshman in high school next year! That is absolutely insane to me. I still remind him how he told me he would marry me when he was 7. He can be such a great big brother to Maddox. He has taught him so much about baseball. Last summer they were walking back from the beach one day and I heard them talking sports and stats. It was the cutest conversation ever. I am so happy they have each other, even if they do fight sometimes. Every chance Brody gets, he plays baseball or watches baseball or manages his fantasy baseball team or plays mlb the show. He also still loves to cook. He is hoping for a growth spurt over the summer before he gets to high school. I keep assuring him it’s coming.

Maddox went to a new school this year and it has been amazing. He loves his teacher and so do I. Everyone there has been awesome and he has some great friends. He is full of energy with a side of attitude as always. His smile lights up the room though and his snuggles make all the stress go away. He also loves baseball. He catches too and likes to play short stop. Both of the boys have actually taught me a ton about baseball and I love it. He also loves Pokemon and Minecraft and other things I don’t really know anything about so I just smile and nod. (Kinda like when you used to talk to me about your job.) Heehee To say I am proud of all of our kids would be an understatement. They are the BEST humans ever, even if they aren’t the neatest.

That leaves me, I suppose. It has been an extremely difficult year. Trying to navigate having teenagers and walking the line of letting go with enforcing rules isn’t easy on your own. I am so grateful for my friends. They help me to feel a bit sane and alot not alone. After spending years feeling all over the place with teaching and training, I finally started a business. I named it Breakwater Advantage. A breakwater protects the coast from changing tides and storm surges. I thought it appropriate because I feel that my purpose is to help people by teaching them the skills to be their own breakwater and to be able to weather the changing tides and storm surges in their own lives. I am personal training, teaching Pound and Yoga (oh yes! I completed the 200 hour yoga teacher training course this year!), nutrition coaching, holistic wellness coaching, speaking and writing, and teaching a workshop to help people discover their own resiliency inside of themselves. It’s a challenge to develop a business and market and get clients while also running a household with 4 kids and a dog and everyone’s needs. Most of the time something doesn’t get done. That’s life right now. I’m doing the best I can do. I am definitely hustling in it all and also trying to give myself the grace that I tell others to allow for themselves. I am fiercely independent, but sometimes being fiercely independent is exhausting. Someday maybe a partner will come along, but my life is so full. I truly love my life. Anyone that enters it will need to match my energy and know what it is to give and take with equal measure. That’s hard to find, but it doesn’t really matter to me. I truly love life every single day. I love what I do. I love that we are blessed with our beautiful little family and a huge number of friends that love us so much and show it. I miss you so much, more lately as I’ve said. These milestones we all hit are really things we would love to be sharing with you, hearing how proud you are, and being encouraged and rooted for by you. We all miss you. But then doesn’t that just mean we were lucky? I know it does. So help me and help these kids to remember you’re always here rooting us on, loving us, and smiling that gorgeous smile with those sparkling green eyes. I can see it now. I’ll try to see it through my tears of pride at graduation too. This weekend, however, I’ll sing some T Swift for you and tonight I will raise a glass and toast to you, our beautiful family you helped me make, and the legacy you created. I love you babe.

~Kelly

Let me start by saying, “I’m sorry”.  I’m sorry to ALL of the teachers that have my children in school right now.  See, it’s close to the end of the school year. As you know, the kids are really getting ancy and starting to check out.  I know it’s not just my kids, which makes it worse for you.  I am sure you are ready to check out too.  You deserve 100% to check out.  You are a saint.  I know that you are holding on for dear life.  I know that you have your vacation booked.  I wouldn’t blame you if you already have your bags packed, smutty romance novels ready to go, and dog sitter on call.  I know you don’t get paid nearly enough for the kind of vacation you deserve, but I’m hoping you’ve got something good planned to unwind and detox from the elevation of my kids’ energy and attitudes.  Rest assured knowing that they’re giving it to me at home too.  Here is where my apology needs to come in.  See, I’ve got it too.  I’ve got the ants in my pants, but I’ve also got the attitude. I’m an adult,  I know. Still, as I remind my children that they have about a month to go until summer vacation, as I get on them about homework and paying attention,  I’ve kinda given up too.  We won’t tell them that.  It’s our secret, just like the other secrets we keep together sometimes in our messages back and forth.  I’m sorry if the backpack still has yesterday’s papers and flyers still in it today.  I’m sorry that someone may or may not have done his entire week’s homework packet Thursday night last week. I did do the reminding, but not the checking after the reminding.  I’m sorry if sometimes my kids lunch looks like he scraped together whatever was left in the house he would eat.  He probably did.  As you know, spring gets busy.  Sometimes it’s impossible to find time to grocery shop. I promise they get a proper dinner. Chicken nuggets are in the freezer 99% of the time, along with the frozen French fries and anything else we can quickly cook in the air fryer in between school, baseball, lacrosse, work, and school activities.  Once in a while, they even eat a vegetable. 

Knowing these kids will be home alot more actually makes me quite happy. Also, it adds some stress. I too want to spend more time relaxing and enjoying vacation with them. That means working more now, especially since much of my work is from home. I don’t forsee being as successful with that when kids are needing me or fighting or I just want to keep them from getting on the PS4 when it’s nice out.  So it’s a busy month ahead for all of us. Please forgive me.

I was a home school mama for 7 years. I made sure we were always finished with the year’s work by Memorial Day Weekend.  I spoiled us like that.  It was easier to do that with just a few to teach. Then we would fill the time with our “field trips”.  I know that just isn’t how it works now, but it does probably contribute to the difficulty in staying focused here towards the end of May. 

If it’s any consolation, I promise that we are spending time thinking of the best teacher gift.  We do love you.  We do care about your sanity, even if we don’t always show it.  I hope you accept my apology.

I also want to say, “THANK YOU”! See, I think that you are awesome. So does my kid. My 4 kids have some amazing teachers and I feeling blessed and appreciate it, even when they don’t. Thank you for giving them exactly what they need. Thank you for communicating with me and making sure we were on the same page to help my kid succeed. Thank you for reminding them of things if I forgot. Thank you for smiling and having a place for them in your heart. I’m not quite sure how your heart can be so big, but it’s one of the biggest I’ve ever seen. Thank you for ignoring that my son wore his shirt backwards most of the time (he likes it that way and I pick my battles). Thank you for bending and giving extra time and care for allowing assignments to be turned in when life got a bit sketchy. Thank you for being laid back enough for boy antics and girl drama. Thank you for all that you do. If you don’t fly far away the very night school gets out and fly in the night before it starts up again, I owe you a drink on the beach. I mean it. And I can tell my kid they need to stay at home. You’ll have your fill again soon enough.

I am going to tell you the BEST thing you can say to someone who is grieving. I am not a grief counselor, but my life experience screams otherwise.  By the age of 41, I had lost my parents, my brothers, a baby, and my husband.  I had also lost other close family members and watched several friends lose their own loved ones.  Our current knowledge is based on what we have learned about in the past.  Some of that knowledge will come from books and classes, while other parts of it will be based on our experiences, good and bad.  I am often the person that others come to when they need to know what to do or say to support a loved one who has experienced the passing of someone close.  The one statement I hear the most is, “I don’t know what to say”.  

I feel compelled to address this, as we all will be in this situation at one time or another.  You know the feeling, standing in line at the wake, making small talk to those around you, paying your respects to the casket, then being eye to eye with the grieving.  Being on both sides, I can honor the awkwardness that is felt.  I can honor the hurt and the pain and trying to perhaps put on a smile for the crowd.  I can acknowledge the amount of times you hear, “I am sorry for your loss”, “please reach out if you need anything”, or “let me know what I can do”. 

Every person is unique to their personality and so every person will grieve differently.  Therefore, we will all need different things. I will be the first to tell you, if you are grieving, to allow yourself to do what you need to do to be ok.  As long as you are not physically hurting another person or behaving in a dangerous manner, then you have free range.  Others can try and judge, but this is not their path.  As far as what to do and what to say if you know someone who is grieving, I have some advice for you too. 

Before I tell you the BEST thing you can say, I have to tell you this: do NOT say something just to say it! Do NOT offer help that you are unwilling to give.  People will offer to help and say they are here for whatever we need whenever we need it, but that is not always the case.  There are definitely people who mean it and will fulfill that promise. However, I know firsthand that not everyone that offers help will be there when they are then asked to help.  That is ok.  Some people wish they could help, but they have family and work and other commitments that make it difficult or impossible.  I know that my own life leaves me looking sometimes at very creative ways to help others when I just can’t be there in person.  Also, it is ok to be specific with what you can offer.  Maybe say, “If you want to talk, call or text anytime” or “I will be in touch with you to set up a time to drop off dinner”.  If you do offer something up, assume they won’t remember right away or could be overwhelmed.  Reach out to them a few days after services and offer to make good on whatever it is you said you would do.  If you offered to be an ear for them, then shoot them a text and just check-in.  If you don’t hear back, don’t take it personally.  This person knows you’re there.  When and if they want to talk, they will.   A VERY important thing to remember is that you don’t have to offer anything. You can just be there and pay respects.

Another “don’t”, if you will, is DON’T SAY, “I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL” unless you actually went through the EXACT same experience. EXACT. It does not offer comfort unless someone sees that you have truly been there, understand, and can offer hope. That being said, even if you have had the same experience, or something similar, you are still two different people and this time is raw for them. Acknowledge this is their time by not comparing or contrasting an experience you had yourself. You can always say, “this is not a club I want people to join, but there are others who can listen and help if you would ever want that”. There is one thing you can say, that offers the most appreciation from those grieving. The best sentence to say to someone grieving, at any point in time, sounds perhaps too simple or like it’s somehow not enough, but I assure you, it is.

“I have no idea what to say, but I can offer a hug if you would like.”

This is genuine. This allows the grieving to have space. It gives them a chance to know that they don’t have to smile or show anything to anyone. This person can be allowed to be themselves, to be real. With that simple statement, you have given them a chance to just be. There isn’t anything you can say or do that changes the loss. There is no space or healing or mood you can put someone in at that point in time or really anytime before they are ready to heal. By just saying that there is nothing you can say, it let’s the person know that you understand this situation sucks. Sometimes we all need to be allowed to say, “this sucks” and leave it at that.

One last piece of advice, grief never leaves. It may change forms, but it is always there. Healing can happen and will in all of us that seek it. We can heal and still have grief. They are not mutually exclusive. On birthdays, anniversaries, or other special times or when a song comes on the radio, grief returns in some way, shape, or form. Those times are also the perfect place to reach out and say, “I don’t know what to say, but I am thinking about you and sending strength/hope/love/prayers/hugs/etc”. Perhaps now is a good time to reach out to someone with that message. Feeling supported is one of the best feelings we can have and give. Life happens and death also happens and death does suck. For all the sucky parts of life, there are still so very many wonderful parts. Remember those who are grieving, reach out to them, and remind them, by being a friend, that life is still wonderful and hope is right around the corner.

Nostalgia: a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy, personal associations.

I loved my childhood. Perhaps I was one of the lucky ones. I know not everyone has had a great past. I had amazing parents, family, and friends that might have just as well been family. My mother loved cooking and, especially, loved Christmas. Thanksgiving as a kid was filled with cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents. It meant more food than anyone could fathom, especially with my mother and my aunt at the helm of all the cooking. It meant crescent rolls and my mom’s stuffing. It meant olives nobody liked so they were little rocks to fling at a sibling when they weren’t looking. It meant after dinner watching WWF and Macho Man Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan. It meant smells and sounds and voices from people that may not have always gotten along, but were still indicative of love. Every family has times they don’t get along, but Thanksgiving was a time to truly be grateful, for all of our blessings, including each other.

As the years have passed, life has changed, as life does. Many of the people around that extra long Thanksgiving Day table have passed on. Many others have been added to the family. Families have branched off into doing their own dinners with their immediate family or in-laws. The immediate family I grew up with no longer exists. My amazing, sweet, light-hearted mother left us in 2001, shortly after Thanksgiving. Two years later, my brother Mike, the true comedian of the crew, passed on. My husband and I got married and started our own family. In 2015, cancer took him from us and, 3 years later, in 2018 COPD took my dad.

Every Thanksgiving, I have been grateful for those around my table. I am so blessed for each and every person and memory they left me. It still doesn’t stop me from being nostalgic. There is a longing that never quite goes away. It gets stronger during the holidays. This is a time for traditions, after all. It is a time when I cook some of the same recipes that my mother made. It is a time when I remember my loved ones even more and missing them more than usual. I have always believed that when you are missing someone who has passed away, it is because they are right there with you, so close you could almost touch them. This brings comfort and I have no doubt that they are here, celebrating another year with my children and me. A few days ago, my youngest asked me to tell him about my brother, Mike. I told him how hilarious he was and how, even though we could fight like cats and dogs, he could always crack me up. I told him how I know he would have been the BEST uncle, just a big kid himself at heart. I am blessed to have people in my life who knew my mom well. This week, I sat down for lunch with a few of them. It did make me a little sad, but in a good way, if that’s possible? They told me how much my mother wanted grandchildren and how she would have been spoiling them rotten. My children have definitely not lacked being spoiled, I assure you. Their grandfather, my dad, got to meet them all, spend an enormous amount of time with them, and spoil them plenty. I knew they were his heart and soul before he passed away. It isn’t easy, parenting alone. I hear him in my head often, the advice I know he would give me. Maybe I just know this advice because I have my parents as a part of me, no matter how long they have been gone. Either way, again I gain comfort. In a conversation with one of my mother’s friends last week, she told me how my mother was always making her laugh, smile and feel better. She described my mom as always so positive and how she would always tell her to “just relax”, “let things go”, and, my favorite, “you have got to be able to laugh!” I have heard from a few of my parent’s friends that I am very much like my mother. I know I am positive and I certainly love to laugh. It heals! It has been my mission, for the past few years especially, to help others see how good life really is, to help others let things go, and to make people smile. If I am like my mother in these ways, I am more blessed than I could have ever asked. See, I remember my mom the same way. And when I get down, I think of what she would say to me, what she would do. Then, I do it. I let that voice inside of me listen to her and to my father, to their advice. The lessons and life outlook I inherited is a gift. I do miss them so very much. I am a sucker for spending time with old friends and being able to chat about memories back when they were alive.

My experiences have taught me two very important lessons that come in handy all year long, not just at the holidays. I have learned that, although memories can make us sad sometimes, they have every right to be a part of our lives. This is how we remember, learn, and grow. This is how we remember where we came from and who we have become. I have never remembered a time when I was not grateful. I think my experiences just highlight the importance of recognizing our blessings. As much as things can get busy and crazy in life, take the time EVERY DAY to see your blessings. Four of my biggest blessings will be sitting around my table tomorrow with me when we celebrate another year of blessings over our Thanksgiving meal. I give thanks for my past. I give thanks for my present, my children, my friends, the roof over our head that my father built, the love in my life. I give thanks for being able to laugh and for surrounding myself with others that make me laugh too. I give thanks for our future because my faith tells me it will be amazing. I give thanks for each and every one of you reading this. I pray that I have somehow been, and will continue to be, a blessing in your lives. I hope that all of you will stop, look at the people around your table, and know that you too are truly blessed. Happy Thanksgiving!