Online dating sucks. Okay, any dating sucks. Being on the other side of marriage just plain sucks! That dating world is full of liars, assholes, and people that view relationships as disposable.  It’s extremely frustrating to say the very least! However,  it seems to be the only way to meet anyone these days! If you can’t beat ’em, join em! So, I’ve decided that writing about it would definitely give others that “Me Too!” moment. If you’re dating after 30 or 40 even, then im pretty sure you can relate to my experiences. Following is just one of many….

I stood outside the restaurant waiting for the man I had yet to meet who was supposed to be my date for dinner and assuming I was being stood up. Oh, how I wish I had. As a car peels down the street with a man hanging outside the driver’s side window, I prayed. “Please no. Please please please NO.” The car whips into a parking spot, narrowly missing the car next to it. A man, excuse me, a very, very tiny man jumps out the door and yells across the street at me, “Hey, Kels!”. I tried not to make eye contact, like it wasn’t me. My name surely could NOT be Kels? I looked around behind me, crossing fingers and toes that another woman, any other woman in the world was behind me. Nope. He came running up the restaurant stairs to me. This very tiny man said hello again. I politely said hello as I stepped back. It’s amazing how different one can look in an online photograph. Just.Fucking.Amazing.
Now, I would like to think that I am not vain. I have met people who are not as good looking as they seem because they have an awful personality and also men who are just ok and their personality makes them look way better. Either way, I don’t like to be lied to. Bottom line. If your pictures show that you are jacked and have hair and look about 20 and your profile says you’re 5’8″, then you should NOT be looking me in the eye at a mere 5’2″. You also should not have a combover or weigh less than me.  I’m sorry, but this is lying.  If you will lie about how you look, what else will you lie about?
I took a deep breath and tried to pull all the positive thoughts from deep in the abyss of my brain. I’ve already got a babysitter. I’m kid less for a few hours. The weather is nice. I can enjoy a meal out without being interrupted, therefore eating an entire meal while it is still hot. Okay, these were the positives…
Well, I would rather cut up my kids food and go to the bathroom 15 times and pull the boys apart from wrestling in the middle of the floor any.fucking.day. than be here now with this man. Ugh. I’m pretty sure he forgot his meds. He’s all over the place. Hands flailing, talking so fast and loud that I have no clue what he is telling me about. I nod and smile and order a drink. The drink comes and he just won’t shut up. The food comes and I really have no appetite.  If he calls me “Kels” one more time, I’m going to throw my chicken at him. I politely excuse myself to the bathroom. I call my Out right away. She gets it. This online shit is for the birds. You always need an Out, that one friend that will help you bail when you just can’t take it anymore. I have my girl, my Out and she is ready to help.
I sit back down to dinner and try to make small talk, but, honestly, this man doesn’t even know what my voice sounds like. However, the entire place knows he’s there! Ugh. Double.Ugh. My phone rings! Oh HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH!! What’s that? Oh, no! I’m sorry, but my kid just won’t stop crying. He needs me. Yes, I do understand that my sitter can probably handle him. (Asshole). But he must be sick and my kids always come first (THANK YOU GOD FOR THOSE LITTLE SHITS!) So, I must go. RIGHT.NOW. I’m so sorry. Yes! Of course, I was having a blast too! Yes, very very disappointed.  Oh we will DEFINITELY  (never) do this again! Here’s some cash…Again, so sorry! GOTTA GO! Yup, sure call you tomorrow  (as long as tomorrow is never)! Ok, bye!
….Welcome to the world of dating….