“I just wanna be happy!” Oh? Do you? How badly do you want to be happy? Bad enough to make changes in your mindset and your life? Bad enough to take action and be intentional? Do you have patience in the process? This is ALL on you, nobody else. If you’re ready, then read on. It is science, but not rocket science. You got this.

The concept of happiness has been studied dating back to 2,500 years ago. It has been studied over the years by many including Confucius, Aristotle, Socrates, and Buddha. These guys had some pretty simple concepts. I am here to tell you, from my own personal experience, that they were right in their findings. There are three key markers in people who report themselves to be the “happiest”.

1. Grateful people are happy people. When something goes wrong in your day, do you make it your only focus? Do you put as much of a focus on all of the other things that have gone right? Do you intentionally see the good in the world and the good around you every, single, darn day? I open my eyes every morning and intentionally start my day grateful. Before I grab for my phone to check emails or social media notifications, before I pull back my covers even, as soon as I am consciously out of my dreams and aware I am awake, I begin to be grateful. I believe in God, so this is who I thank. You can thank the universe or karma or whatever or whoever is meaningful to you! The point is to focus on your blessings. The way that I do this is to first focus on how grateful I am to have woken up, to be here to live another day with my family and my friends. I thank God for waking my children up as well and for the time that I will get to spend with them today and, especially, for their snuggles. Even when they have me going to bed sometimes feeling like I am failing to be everything they need (like all good moms and dads do from time to time) I still am lucky to have them. I then go through the day ahead and think of the things that I am looking forward to. It probably won’t be that dentist appointment, not gonna lie. However, it will be something as simple as the time I carved out for my morning walk with the dog. I put my focus intentionally out there on the good. I invite you to do the same. The second way I put gratitude into the world, is to simply say “please” and “thank you”! We teach our children this and expect it from them, but many of us as adults have forgotten that being polite and gracious is important. Nobody has to do anything for you. Remember that and be grateful they did. Another intentional way to show gratitude is to be in the moments throughout your day. Take a second or two in the chaos and stop. Look around. Marvel at the world, the beauty of nature, the art in statues you may pass by and never see, or children smiling and playing. Smile at what you notice, knowing that the world is good. Simple things can still remind us of this. The last gratitude practice that I will share here with you is what I do at the end of my day, every day. When I get into my bed at night, before I watch TV or read or play on my phone, I list 10 things that happened that day for which I am grateful. Even on the most challenging of days, these 10 things can be found, I promise you. I am grateful I made it to my bed at the end of the day. Some days are like that. It’s ok. You did. You made it. Some days it comes easy, others not so much, but do your best, make it intentional, and make it a habit.

2. Kind people are happy people. There is a reason why it feels good to be nice to others. It is because this is the way the world is intended to work. In order for a society to not become extinct, they need to work together and help one another. It is born inside us all to be helpers. As we get older, ego comes into play. When we put others before our own egos, we are given that wonderful feeling inside because this is what will grow more good and kindness. These actions, small and large, will assist other people in having better days. Better days lead to better overall health. Better overall health leads to longevity. This gives way for a group to continue to live and thrive. We all want to thrive. It isn’t difficult to be kind. It just takes, once again, an intentional mindset. Kindness can happen all day long and not cost you a penny or very much time at all! Kindness comes in many forms, all of which we teach our children! Hmm…have I talked about what we teach and expect from our children already? Why is it that we are not all practicing what we preach? Be an example through your actions. Go out today and look for all of the ways you can be kind. Do them. Then reflect on them. How did it make you feel? As you become a bearer of kindness, your heart will grow. The Grinch had to learn it, maybe you do too? Kindness cultivates happiness inside each of us that then emanates to those we connect with each day.

3. Find your joy! Happiness is not a tangible thing. It does not come from an outside source either. Happiness is a concept that grows inside of each and every one of us. Finding the things in your life that bring you joy and doing them will create a feeling of happiness inside of you. Joy to each one of us is going to look different. Joy comes from doing activities that we like. Joy comes from doing things that are fun. Joy also comes from spending our time with people who make us smile. We all have been in situations where the crowd wasn’t really our thing. When you leave, you sometimes have a feeling that maybe you wasted that time and could have been with someone else or been doing something else. Compare this to when we spend time with the people who we connect with, who make us laugh and smile, who appreciate us for exactly who we are. I, for one, walk away from that time lighter. I feel as if the smile will last for days and I can’t wait to see these people again. I feel comfortable and the time is seamless and truly enjoyable. There are times when we have no choice but to do things we don’t want to do and be around the people we would not have purposely chosen. However, when we take stock of how we spend our time, what we are doing that we truly enjoy, what we do not enjoy, and who we are giving space to in our lives, it becomes clear where the change should happen. Make a list of the activities that you love. Make a list of the people that make you the happiest to be around. Some of the joy in our lives also comes from things we choose to do alone. Perhaps joy is in reading a book or going for a walk or connecting to nature. Choose to do whatever you need to in your schedule to make the time for the people and things that bring you joy! Prioritize! As you are feeling more joyful, you are becoming a happier person!

As a wellness coach and someone who connects with and listens to those around me, I am always hearing the word “Happy”. We all hear this word from social media, friends, and family. Maybe you have already heard that you should do all of the things I’ve written about here. You either believe it or you don’t. Remember, it is never the job of someone else to change your outlook, mindset, and attitude. That is your job, and only your job. If you choose to try these practices, please remember patience. It may take you a few days, a few weeks, or even a few months to “feel” different inside. Give yourself grace. Not every day will feel great. Maybe some days you just do what you can to survive. Tomorrow will be better. We all have ups and downs. The happiest people know that it is all temporary. The ups will go down and the downs will go up. This is life. When life feels down, people who allow themselves to feel the sadness of the situation, but then believe it will get better are the happier people. The people who intentionally look for healthy ways to help them work through or get through any given situation, are the happiest people overall. The science is certainly out there. The ancient philosophers aren’t wrong. But, if you want to disagree, then at least try the practices of gratitude, kindness, and finding your joy over the next few weeks or months and then get back to me.