Hi Bobby, I don’t even know where to start this year. I have to say that there are many times you not being here has felt surreal, but this year it feels different. It’s hard to explain. It feels like my life with you was a completely different lifetime, some other world. Eight years doesn’t seem long, but sometimes I just look at all that has happened in those 8 years and at how different our lives are and how much the kids have grown and changed and it really is an entirely different life. The past few weeks has been extra emotional for me. I know some years it hits harder than others. This entire year has been extra emotional. I’m guessing that explains it. Like I said, I don’t know where to start, but I’ll just start. I know you are always with us, seeing all of these things we do, but telling you about them still feels necessary, maybe not for you, but for me.

Joni is graduating high school in a few weeks! That hits me hard. Mostly because I am just so freaking proud of her! She has battled up some tough hills. I look at her and just don’t understand how the time has passed. Little baby Joni isn’t little, well, yes she is still quite petite, but she will be 18 in just about a month! She has been a three sport athlete, gotten amazing grades, and works two jobs as well. She is going to Bridgewater State in the fall. She got into the honors program and will study early childhood education. She is so amazing with kids. They absolutely love her. She is so much like me in so many ways, but also her own unique person. I see me in her, but don’t let her know because I’m not very cool. Maybe I’ll be cool when she is a little older. I think I’m cool, but moms, in general , I guess are not. Senior prom is this weekend. Would have been a nice time to have a dad around! I got this. I know.

Hanna is a sophomore and in the health program. She plays three sports too. She loves lacrosse the most. She turned 16 this past April. Get this, she is taller than both Joni and Brody! Little baby Heehee hit that growth spurt we were waiting for! She has a beautiful heart and is a super smart student. Both of the girls work at Somerset Creamery. You know with my love of ice cream, it’s the best thing ever. She wanted to see Taylor Swift for her birthday and somehow we got tickets online right when they went on sale. I’m so happy she can have this experience. I was thinking this morning about how if you were here, you would have insisted on taking her because I’m pretty sure you loved Taylor Swift more than anyone else. You knew all the words to all her songs! It was the cutest thing when you would sing it with the girls.

Brody is a teenager! He has grown into such a handsome, smart, wonderful young man. He loves baseball and is an umpire for the little kids this year and also playing Babe Ruth. He is a catcher like you were. He will be a freshman in high school next year! That is absolutely insane to me. I still remind him how he told me he would marry me when he was 7. He can be such a great big brother to Maddox. He has taught him so much about baseball. Last summer they were walking back from the beach one day and I heard them talking sports and stats. It was the cutest conversation ever. I am so happy they have each other, even if they do fight sometimes. Every chance Brody gets, he plays baseball or watches baseball or manages his fantasy baseball team or plays mlb the show. He also still loves to cook. He is hoping for a growth spurt over the summer before he gets to high school. I keep assuring him it’s coming.

Maddox went to a new school this year and it has been amazing. He loves his teacher and so do I. Everyone there has been awesome and he has some great friends. He is full of energy with a side of attitude as always. His smile lights up the room though and his snuggles make all the stress go away. He also loves baseball. He catches too and likes to play short stop. Both of the boys have actually taught me a ton about baseball and I love it. He also loves Pokemon and Minecraft and other things I don’t really know anything about so I just smile and nod. (Kinda like when you used to talk to me about your job.) Heehee To say I am proud of all of our kids would be an understatement. They are the BEST humans ever, even if they aren’t the neatest.

That leaves me, I suppose. It has been an extremely difficult year. Trying to navigate having teenagers and walking the line of letting go with enforcing rules isn’t easy on your own. I am so grateful for my friends. They help me to feel a bit sane and alot not alone. After spending years feeling all over the place with teaching and training, I finally started a business. I named it Breakwater Advantage. A breakwater protects the coast from changing tides and storm surges. I thought it appropriate because I feel that my purpose is to help people by teaching them the skills to be their own breakwater and to be able to weather the changing tides and storm surges in their own lives. I am personal training, teaching Pound and Yoga (oh yes! I completed the 200 hour yoga teacher training course this year!), nutrition coaching, holistic wellness coaching, speaking and writing, and teaching a workshop to help people discover their own resiliency inside of themselves. It’s a challenge to develop a business and market and get clients while also running a household with 4 kids and a dog and everyone’s needs. Most of the time something doesn’t get done. That’s life right now. I’m doing the best I can do. I am definitely hustling in it all and also trying to give myself the grace that I tell others to allow for themselves. I am fiercely independent, but sometimes being fiercely independent is exhausting. Someday maybe a partner will come along, but my life is so full. I truly love my life. Anyone that enters it will need to match my energy and know what it is to give and take with equal measure. That’s hard to find, but it doesn’t really matter to me. I truly love life every single day. I love what I do. I love that we are blessed with our beautiful little family and a huge number of friends that love us so much and show it. I miss you so much, more lately as I’ve said. These milestones we all hit are really things we would love to be sharing with you, hearing how proud you are, and being encouraged and rooted for by you. We all miss you. But then doesn’t that just mean we were lucky? I know it does. So help me and help these kids to remember you’re always here rooting us on, loving us, and smiling that gorgeous smile with those sparkling green eyes. I can see it now. I’ll try to see it through my tears of pride at graduation too. This weekend, however, I’ll sing some T Swift for you and tonight I will raise a glass and toast to you, our beautiful family you helped me make, and the legacy you created. I love you babe.

~Kelly