You’re graduating! Holy crap! Look at you all, making it, crushing it, getting it done! I am SO FREAKING PROUD. Somehow that pride keeps welling up in my eyes and rolling down my cheeks dammit.  This entire year has been filled with so many emotions, more than I remember from my own senior year.  The stress you have on you, the expectations, I believe are different than we had. Like all older people,  I blame social media, but that isn’t what matters.  The thing that is the same, is that you have hit a milestone.  There are some REALLY important things that I want to tell you.  There are some things I want you to know.  I’m not sure how much I would listen to if someone told me all of this, but believe me, I wish they had. Heck, maybe they did and I didn’t listen, just like a teenager!  So, maybe this will seem like trite jibber jabber to you, maybe you’ve heard it all before, maybe it will sit back in your brain somewhere and someday in your future, you’ll hear it.  Or maybe you’ll read it and it will hit home and you’ll understand.  Maybe it might help you right now or when you walk across that stage at graduation or when you are moving to a new school or starting new classes at a new place in the fall.  Just do me a favor (because I really do love you more than you can imagine) and read this, the whole thing. Please don’t just skim either.  Read it for me. Read it for you.  Some tips…

As emotional as this is for you, as much as it seems like the ending, like closing a book, it is not.  The book is not over. This is just the end of a chapter. You will end one chapter and start another. Just like in a book, the characters don’t just vanish.  Even the ones that leave in one chapter tend to always come back in another.   Think back on your past 17 or 18 years.  There have already been many chapters.  You have changed, learned, grown, and you have survived them all.  You have watched each other grow too.  Many of you have grown together.  Remember this when you get emotional.  Do not mistake the pride you have for yourself and each other as sadness.  Do not mistake your tears for despair.  Things are changing,  yes, but not like you think they are, definitely not. 

The saying goes something like this, “Make new friends, keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold.”  You will All make new friends. That is an absolute certainty.  You will have other close friendships in your life.  You will meet the person who will become your partner.  You will live with people who you confide in.  You will get to know them and they will get to know you.  They will meet your old friends at some point.  They will see where you grew up. They will meet your family too. 

BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS BE SILVER.

When you look around you, whether you think so or not, your group right now,  these friends, THEY WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR GOLD. 

The friends you have now have seen you grow and change in ways that make them the only ones who can ever truly be gold.  Others will come close, but they can’t be gold.  They weren’t in your life early enough for that.  I can tell you this because I have the silver and the gold in my own life.  I have discussed this with others too.  My BEST friends that I have now are comprised of both. I trust them and love them and have fun with them and appreciate them.  I confide in my silver friends just as much as my gold, in fact sometimes my gold friends don’t even know everything, but not because I don’t want them to, just because we may not talk or see each other as often.  You know I have my gold friends, some I met in first grade, others not until high school.  But boy are those high school years something!  There is a safety, a foundation in these gold friends that will make you always be able to come back to them,  always.  You may actually go weeks, months, or (although unlikely) years without actually seeing them or talking to them. Still, these are the ones who will never skip a beat. You will pick up right where you left off, every single time.  You will have a sense of comfort and being yourself that feels like home.  You know each other’s families.  All of the parents love each and every one of you like you are our own.  You know us too and I think you love us all quite a bit, even if we get on your nerves sometimes.  As you go on different paths in a few months, remember that it is up to you to keep characters in this chapter.  Also remember that it’s alot to take in and there might be some who aren’t as good at the juggling of friends.  Forgive them and don’t take it personally because they are still loving you and there for you.  They will come back in another chapter and it will be ok.  I experienced this myself and cannot express the gratitude I had when my own friendship hadn’t skipped a beat.  All was just understood, the love and history we have erasing the stages of life that just made the train derail for a bit. 

Sorry if you’re sick of reading, but there is more…

Visit me.  My daughter lives here. She will be back.  I just want her friends to remember to come visit too. I love you. If you are in the neighborhood or not, stop by.  I have spent the past 4 or more years with you at my house.  You have eaten food here, made me laugh, slept here, left clothes here that I many times ended up washing.  You have laughed here and some of you have cried here.  You have at times confided in me.  I have given advice that you sometimes took and sometimes you were probably just humoring me. I know it annoyed you when I told you to be quiet at night.  I know it’s a pain in the ass. I know there were times when I was a downright bitch.  Some of it, alot of it, was probably the day I had, the exhaustion, wanting to let everyone let loose all the time and not care about the noise, but just being so mentally and physically drained that I snapped, insisting, not nicely, on quiet. Someday, you will definitely understand.   I am looking forward to you all this summer here and leaving towels all over my house. I love you all being here. I will admit, I have loved every single minute, even when I was calling from upstairs asking for the TV and voices to be turned down even more.  Make sure when you visit that you come hungry. If I haven’t grocery shopped, we will always still find something and figure it out.  You have all become part of the family, just like my kid  has become part of yours.  My door will always be open to you.   I will also always be here for you. In any way.  I will help whenever I can. 

I remember what it was like to be 18.  I know that kids do stupid shit sometimes.  I am so grateful for what you guys do tell me.  I am sure you have plenty that you don’t say too.  I know about the kids who got into partying younger than others and I know about the people you avoid.  I know that I am on your ass, obviously mostly my own kid’s ass, but I am SO GRATEFUL for who you are.  I think I can speak for all of the parents here saying that we have AMAZING kids.  You guys are smart, so damn smart, and kind (most of the time!).  You guys have crushed it with sports and working jobs and going to school.  To my own child, you have had extra to deal with growing up and nobody is a bigger fan of you than me. Nobody.  I do appreciate ALL OF THIS.  It’s still my job to give advice, warn you, teach you, and love you.  It always will be.  I will never stop being the biggest cheerleader and fan you ever had.  That’s just what a mom does.  It’s a mom’s heart and it never goes away. 

Even when you think I hate you or I’m trying to ruin your life or my rules are stupid or my advice is dumb, I am loving you and helping to guide you with all my heart.  As I said earlier, I know what it’s like to be 18.  You guys have so much good in you.  You will face rites of passages, however, just like every other human does.  And it’s ok.  I am here to help. I am on your team. Please don’t forget this.  If you ever end up in a situation where you are unsafe or uncomfortable, call me. Text me. There will be no punishment or lecture.  My top priority is for you to be safe.  Don’t be afraid of calling me. Please.  I know you are all amazing people. Parents never want their kid to make a bad choice, but every human has done it and you will too.  It sometimes is how we learn and we all need to learn.  Maybe you’ll watch other people do stupid shit and learn from that too.  I hope it’s mostly that, but if your time comes and you need help, I am always here for you. 

Learn to find your own voice. Some people never do. You are the only one who has to live YOUR life. There will always be times when you need to decide whether you like something or want something or want to try something new or need to make a tough decision. It’s always helpful to ask for advice and to weigh options and think about some decisions more than others, but your friends should not decide for you what you do or like or where you go. Just because it makes them happy, doesn’t mean it will be right for you. That’s perfectly fine too. You are each unique in your own way and that’s what makes you fit together. When you became friends, it was because something attracted you to each other, don’t ever try to change that about each other or anyone. Don’t try to change yourself, EVER, to accommodate someone else’s version of who they want you to be.

That being said, learn to use your voice and speak up and always do it with kindness and respect. It is possible always to speak your truth with kindness. There will be people who don’t want to hear your truth, who disagree with you, who won’t respect you. Those are not your people. If they are people close to you, always give them time to come around and ask nicely why they think or feel how they do. Considering someone’s feelings is different than changing who you are for them. Remember that.

Another thing about the opinions of others… the only time you listen to your friends, is when they see red flags for a potential partner and are trying to help you see them too. Friends and parents want to protect you. It’s different if there isn’t a reason for a friend saying not to go out with someone and they just don’t like the person. They aren’t the one spending time with them and sometimes friends will even get jealous of potential partners. It’s normal and we all see it sometime. Just listen when they point out something that is fact and valid. They are helping to keep you safe and save you from possible heartache as well.

College is hard. So is life. Luckily, not all the time. If you choose one path right now, it doesn’t mean it’s set in stone for the rest of your life. There is a difference between something being difficult, but worth the hard work or something making you feel  absolute dread. Life is meant to be joyful. And, yes, sometimes it will be hard work to get to your goals, but when you know it is your purpose, that’s the good hard. You likely haven’t even lived a quarter of your lives yet. If you realize you actually don’t like the career choice you thought you would or the college you chose, then never be afraid to stop that path and choose something else! If it doesn’t feel right for you and you don’t like it, but you don’t yet know what path to take, that’s ok too. There is no one right way to do life! The people that tell you there is or think there is, are the most miserable people! Life is too short to be miserable. It’s not always easy to find your joy in a world full of expectations and voices and pressures, but please don’t ever let those voices and expectations and pressures make you forget that this is YOUR life and YOUR happiness! I once had someone tell me about a decision that I made, “Oh my, that’s just horrible. Don’t you think you have wasted a wonderful opportunity?” I had told them about a difficult decision I had made to switch gears on my path when I was younger. It ended up being the best thing I could have done for myself at that time. If you ever feel like you have no clue what to do next, get some time, peace, and quiet. Sit in the still and allow time for yourself to figure it out. You’ve got plenty of years, taking one of them or more to figure out the path you need IS part of the path! If you are being a productive member of society, you are kind, you feel joy and are around people you love who love you, that is what matters most. You’ll get there. Have faith in yourself and your own ability to write your story. I have no doubt it will be amazing and perfect and exactly what your unique story should be.

If anyone ever tells you that high school was the best four years of their life, pray for them. High school years are not going to be the best you ever live. You have so much more to see and learn about yourself and the world. You have so many places to go and people to meet. I hope many of those people are nothing like you. I hope they have a different culture and different ideas. I hope that you open your mind and give them a chance. You have so much to learn from them, good or bad, and you also have so much to teach them too! Never forget where you came from. You were so blessed to grow up here. People spend thousands of dollars a week to visit where we get to live. Never take that for granted. There is always a home here for you and a life waiting to be built. Don’t get so stubbornly independent that you think you’ll break out of these small towns and never come back. See the world, but know that settling down here means giving your children the same beauty you were given. It also means you will always have a babysitter and someday that will mean something to you. There is always space for whatever you want to do here. The world needs you and so do we.

I know you haven’t liked the rules. I know you haven’t liked to be told what to do,to have to do chores, to tell us where you’re going and to check in. I know you want to be independent and carefree. So much of that has been supported by us, the parents. When you live in a dorm or you work at a job or even when you go to get groceries or sit in a restaurant, there are rules. Heck, there are some I think are really stupid. Rules are there to keep us and others safe. We taught you that when you were a toddler. Imagine no rules? The world is chaotic enough, appreciate boundaries. By parents giving you boundaries, you will learn how to set your own. That comes in handy. Trust me. Even if you live with a group of college kids or young adults someday, your own place will have rules and you will understand it is to keep it fair, peaceful, safe, and that it makes life easier in so many ways for everyone. Imagine if you were never taught how to share, to be kind, to pick up after yourself, to be somewhere on time, to respect others, or even that we don’t throw things?!? You wouldn’t make a very good roommate or friend or spouse or team mate or employee or business partner someday.

Give us parents some credit. Right now you think you’re pretty awesome. You are correct. How did that happen? Where did that come from? You weren’t raised by wolves. If you were, then you probably wouldn’t be so damn afraid of spiders. You were raised by a person or people that love you more than you will know until you have your own child. Right now, you look at us and, you love us, and that love feels like it fills you so much you could not possibly love anyone more. Then you have a kid. And you realize you never knew love, not like this. You are quite literally a part of us and, for all the attitude and eye rolls and you saying you hate us from time to time, we wouldn’t change you being here for anything in the world. Also, we know even when you say you mean it, that you don’t. We know you love us. We know when life gets hard, you take it out on us sometimes. It doesnt mean we like it or that it’s ok, but we do know you still love us. When I lost my mom at 25, I thought there was nothing in the world that could ever happen as horrible as that. I was right for my life at that time, but then I had kids. To my own kid, I watched you and your siblings lose Dad. You were so young. I lost him too. But the pain that I felt for you kids was always and has always been worse because I saw your hearts breaking. When you see your kid’s heart breaking and you can’t fix it, well, that’s just one of the ways that I can absolutely tell you without a doubt, that your parents will always love you no matter what, and to an extent that you won’t understand right now. That’s ok though. Someday, maybe your paths will take you there. So remember, as we nag you and annoy you and you can’t wait to break free, that the heart of a mom or dad is the biggest one you’ll ever be loved by.

On that note, this has been a crazy year and we parents haven’t seen much of you. We miss you. Alot. Remember in all your social calendar events to keep some time for us. Remember to swap houses when everyone hangs out because we parents aren’t ready to have it quiet around here yet.

I remember when we first brought our children home from the hospital. You were all so tiny and sound asleep in your car carriers. We put you in the middle of the kitchen table and we just stood there, looking at you. Then we looked at each other and said, “What the hell do we do now?” That is not exaggeration. That is exactly the first thing that happened. We had no clue. We just stared at you. We were so afraid to mess something up. I didn’t have my mother to help me, but I had others, thank God.  Since those days, I have tried to make the best decisions, many of them on my own. I have watched you learn and grow. I have not always done or said the right thing or what you wanted at the time, but I am proud of you and I am proud of me. Graduating from high school is big, but it isn’t your first milestone and it certainly won’t be your last either. Still, it’s a milestone for both of us. I am blessed with four amazing children who will each pave their own way and I am excited to see what the future holds for your siblings as well. Now, however, is YOUR time. You are going to walk across that stage and, I am hoping to be able to see it through my tears of joy and pride. The future holds everything you could ever imagine you wanted for yourself and the things you don’t even know you want yet. It can be exciting and scary and it better mostly be fun. I am here for it all. I can’t wait to see what you do next. I love you so much, my baby. Now onto one hell of a summer!