If you have ever had a conversation with me, you know that I can talk.  I mean as in longevity.  I can chat for days.  It drives my kids nuts.  We go somewhere to drop something off or just run a quick errand.  They know if there is any chance of me striking up a conversation, it will happen.  I knew my own mother would do the same, as would my aunts, uncles, and cousins.  That side of my family was given the gift of gab.  When I ask my son to go for a walk around the neighborhood with me and the dog, he always asks, “Are you going to stop and talk to people”?  I tell him that, if the opportunity arises, he can be sure I will!  Then he stays home.  I suppose if you refer to me as short and sweet, it is in reference to my height and, possibly, my demeanor, but definitely not my conversations.  

Today I received a phone call from someone that was purely for “business” purposes. What could easily have been a 1 minute call turned into an almost 10 minute call.  After we hung up, it got me thinking.  What was it that made it automatic that we, two complete strangers,  would find a way to have a friendly chat in the middle of the chaos that was our day?  I gave this some careful consideration. Here is what I think leads to these spontaneous conversations.   I enjoy people.  I genuinely enjoy learning about others.  I love hearing their stories.  I love seeing others smile when they have something wonderful to share.  I appreciate my role in being an ear when someone needs to vent as well.  How special that they would be comfortable enough to trust me with sharing a piece of their life and their day!  Everyone has something to say and how often do we really get to say it?  If your day is anything like mine, you are constantly rushing from one thing to the next and trying to figure out how to get organized, how to fit it all in!  It makes a day exhausting!  When did we all get this busy?  Why did we all get this busy?  When my mother chatted with a neighbor much longer than was planned, she had the right idea. 

We have all heard about how we should “stop to smell the roses”. We also need to stop and appreciate the people around us! A day goes by much nicer when you have engaged in conversations with interesting people. Oh, and here is something to think about: we are ALL interesting people! When we have spent the day involved in what can be so mundane, imagine if someone took the time to stop and chat with us and to listen to what we had to say? How would that feel? I know on those days when I engage more with others, I am far more fulfilled. I feel like I have been more productive. I realize I am just part of a whole.

We are all one piece to the entire puzzle. What a wonderful way to piece the puzzle of our lives together! Learn about other pieces that make up your puzzle, your day to day, your life. Grow as you learn. Grow in understanding. You have not walked in everyone else’s shoes. You do not know their story and why they are who they are until you listen. Grow as you help others through giving your time and your ear. Grow as you tell others bits and pieces of your own story. Learn to stop judging and to be kind. Learn that we all have a past, we all have overcome obstacles, and we all have dreams and goals for our futures.

Even when you think a conversation is just small talk, it is still important. That small talk might be the only time the other person (or you) have connected with someone that day. That small talk may have been the break needed to keep going. That small talk may have been a great distraction. That small talk may be the start to a new friendship.

Humans were never meant to walk the earth alone. Our species cannot survive without depending on one another. We need to live and work in packs. We need communication with other humans to thrive. When you are in person, add a smile. When you’re on the phone, make sure the other person can hear your smile. It is definitely possible, I swear!

Just because we have work to do or need to rush right on to the next thing on the days agenda doesn’t mean we need to overlook the power of connecting and conversation. So, next time you have an opportunity to go beyond the quick hello or merely taking care of business, make it a point to do it!

My kids may get annoyed as they sit and wait for me in the car. I may have other things I need to accomplish. There may be others out there that dread seeing me coming because they know I am going to start to chat (I hope not)! No matter. I promise you, I will strive to always stay short and sweet, just not when I open my mouth.

We have all heard the saying for years, “Make sure you get a dog when you have teenagers. This way someone in the house will always be happy to see you.” It goes something like that, and I can tell you from firsthand experience that it is true. I have no idea who came up with it, but it really should be a public service announcement.

I have two. Teenagers, that is. Yes, I also have a dog. Thank God. I remember when my teenage girls were cute. It’s not like they are ugly now or anything. In fact, they are both quite beautiful young women. But, they definitely are not cute. Now, instead of big, sweet, brown eyes staring back at me, they’re rolling them back in their heads. Guess who still has big, sweet, brown eyes that stare at me with love and affection? Yep, Cocoa. She looks at me with those eyes and still makes me melt…sigh. Instead of me being the coolest thing since sliced bread to my girls, I make them cringe just by being near them. Guess who never criticizes my outfits? Yep, Cocoa! In fact, I imagine Cocoa thinks I look amazing every day. Instead of jumping at the chance to go somewhere fun with me, my teenagers need to make sure a friend can come. Not Cocoa! If she gets to go for a ride in the car with me, she certainly would never want another doggie stealing my attention. I love going for walks around our picturesque neighborhood. When I ask who wants to go, I only ever get one taker. I’ll give you a hint. It’s not a teenager.

Teenagers don’t listen. We all already know that fact. When you annouce dinner is ready, they are upstairs in their rooms and don’t hear you. They come down later asking why you never told them there was food. Guess who is always ready to eat dinner? Yep, once again, it’s my Cocoa Bear! Usually, even when teenagers are next to you, their attention is too busy looking at a device, so they barely hear you anyways. Guess who doesn’t have a phone or an ipad? Yep, Cocoa! I mean, Cocoa will watch TV with me, but usually just for the snuggles.

There are plenty more reasons why dogs are better than teenagers. Dogs don’t leave their dishes in the sink. Dogs don’t leave food wrappers on the couch. Dogs don’t forget to flush the toilet. Dogs don’t leave their shoes in front of the doorway when they walk in the house so everybody trips on them. Dogs never tell you they hate what you made for dinner. Dogs never steal your eyelash curler or tweezers or nail clippers. Dogs never lie about stealing your eyelash curler or tweezers or nail clippers. Dogs don’t tell their younger brother he is stupid. Dogs don’t buy things on Amazon under your account. Dogs don’t overfill the trashcan because they don’t want to take out the trash. Dogs don’t take two towels for every shower and then leave them on their bedroom floor.

My girls are currently 16 and almost 15. I know each stage they go through doesn’t last forever. I know we should savor each and every day. This stage, however, will not be one I will be sad to see go. I am just sayin’… I do miss when they were cute. I am happy they are smart, athletic, kind (mostly), funny, and well-rounded. I am just looking forward to a time when maybe they’ll be neat and respectful again. I tell them all the time: they were neater, more respectful, and far more helpful when they were 7 and 9 than they are now. Sad, but true. This does give me hope though. Those sweet, helpful little girls are still in there somewhere, buried under the teenage hormones and angst and struggles for independence. They will come back. I have hope. They will eventually think I’m cool again. I mean, I am very cool. Everybody else knows it, especially my 8 and 11 year old sons. I’m enjoying them while I still can.

Until they do come around, I will be sitting here on the couch, snuggling my Cocoa, watching Scooby-Doo (her favorite), and thinking about the dogs I’ll need to get for my teenagers someday around the time their kids start turning 11 or 12.

This morning, after I dropped my youngest off at school and was on my way back to the junior high to bring my other son his lunch that he forgot, I started thinking about my dad. It has been almost 4 years since my dad passed away. The two of us barely let hours go by without giving each other a phone call and saying hi or telling each other any little thing that had happened, even if it was a quick chat. I imagined that I would have called him right then. I would let him know about the forgotten lunch. He would laugh and then say I should have let him bring it over instead. He would ask me my agenda for the day, tell me I do too much, then insist on picking up the kids later so I could get more work done. That’s always how my dad was, giving and caring and the most help I have ever had.

The holidays are upon us. I love them so much! I also love my family and have a longing for them more at this time of year, just like I am sure anyone who has lost a loved one does. I am a true believer in angels. Our loved ones come to us when we need them the most. When we least expect it, they pop in to say hi. I think that is why sometimes we just don’t really know what made us have that moment or day when we were missing them more than usual, or thinking about them quite a bit. While I was missing my dad, I had Pandora on (yes, Christmas music!). A song came on that I have never heard before. It’s called Evergreen. It was written by Sam DeRosa, Eric Leva, Scott Hoying, Jesse Thomas, and Kevin Olusola. It is sung by Pentatonix. It struck me immediately.

“I want to tell you a story about my mother. How she would give up everything for her daughter’s dreams, yeah, a mother’s love is evergreen. ”

My mother will have been passed twenty years this Christmas. She died December 23, 2001. It is really still unbelievable, to be honest. How does one get married, have babies, have a career without their mother? As we all know, the world keeps turning. It doesn’t mean that we don’t feel the void. I spend as much time as I can spreading hope and studying the best ways to do it, but we are all human. It isn’t about not feeling that void or not getting down. It’s about what we do to pick ourselves back up and that we do indeed pick ourselves back up. My mother was always smiling and always so positive. She was truly amazing. She and my father buried my brother David when he was 8 years old. They lost a child. Yet my mother’s smile never, ever seemed to falter. She would tell me that good things come from bad things if we look hard enough.

“For all the weight she carried, she ain’t tired. I spend my whole life trying to be more like her.”

My mother loved Christmas. Anyone that knew her, found that out pretty quickly. She passed that love down to me. When she died 2 days before Christmas, I knew it was her way of letting us know she would always be there for her favorite time of year, in whatever way she could. As a child, one of my earliest memories is poking my head out from behind her to greet visitors at her annual Christmas open house. I would still be clinging to her leg because I was extremely shy. Yes, I swear I used to be shy, but anyways… My mother gave us the tradition of the party, but also of the tastes and smells it brought with it. If you have ever attended the open house that I now have, know that much of what I cook up was first made by her, in a kitchen so filled with love and laughter. I can only hope that I give this same kitchen, these same traditions, to my children.

“There is a box in the attic. We take it down each year and pass through generations, lights and souvenirs. From the ones who came before us, the reason why we’re here, singing all these carols and spreading all this cheer.”

My mom and I went to Christmas Eve mass together every year. My favorite Christmas song is O, Come All Ye Faithful because she would sing it proudly and never cared if she was a little out of tune. I am at mass with my children every Christmas Eve. I have yet to sit through one and not cry. If I look like a weirdo, I don’t care. I am not looking for pity or judgement. It doesn’t matter to me. Most of all, I am not actually sad. I am remembering my mother and my father, the amazing traditions and memories they gave to me, the amazing life with which I have always been blessed. Those are tears of gratitude that I was given 25 years with my mom and 41 with my dad.

“So on every Christmas Eve, I thank my family tree.”

“Now that I’m a little older, it isn’t lost on me, the magic of tradition, and the memories we keep.”

I know the holidays are a time of joy for many, but also a time of sorrow for others. I recognize the stress some feel. Gift giving costs money or takes time out of an already busy schedule. Missing people we aren’t with at the holidays is a difficult emotion to feel. Feeling or being obligated to spend time with family that you don’t get along with can make this time extra stressful. There are many factors that play a part in whether you face the holidays with dread or joy.

Just remember, that is up to you.

For every stress, there is a different perspective. If you really don’t want to spend time with people, think about what is good about them. Focus on that. Then, think of the lonely who have no one to share with a holiday meal. If gift giving is too expensive, tell everyone that this year you are making their gift. Don’t be embarassed either! I guarantee you will give them the most memorable gifts they have had yet. Teach them a lesson in appreciation. In a world that longs to be kinder, make that this year’s goal. It is a researched fact from multiple sources (search it up, I swear) that by reaching outside of yourself, you connect to a joy in helping others that surpasses selfish tendencies for our own instant gratification. Doing for others allows us to get outside of ourselves and our own “stuff”. Many times, we see that our own problems do not hold as much weight. Also, we give ourselves a break from focusing on the negative as we do something positive for others. I challenge you this year to choose kindness and giving and to make time for both each and every day.

What you want to believe is up to you. You are in charge of your thoughts. I am asked often how I can be so positive. Well, I believe. I believe the world can be a better place. I believe there is magic in each of us. I believe we all have powers to be better and to do better. I believe a smile like my mom’s is in each one of us and that it wants to smile like a crazy person at everyone every, single day. I believe in the magic of the holidays. I believe in Hallmark Christmas movies and the happy ending! I believe in the magic of Santa! I believe that if we all believe, we can create a better home, community, and world! I believe in the kindness of others. I believe in the power of hope! I believe that a bad day isn’t a bad life. I believe that, even in death, my loved ones continue to teach me. They teach me my strengths. They teach me to rely on my village when I feel weak. The teach me that I can be a better parent to my children and a better person to my partner. Through what they gave me, I know I am here to somehow show others that joy is real and pure and yours, no matter who you are and no matter your circumstances.

In honoring my mother twenty years after she physically left our world, I implore you to believe. Believe in the magic. Remember the MOST joyous holiday you have had and feel that joy again. Create that joy NOW! Believe that you hold the key to your own happiness now and always. Believe in the power of a smile.

“So don’t forget, as time goes on, all the joy is never gone.”

Wow, crazy, 6 years.  Six years ago today you passed away.  Six years ago, after a 7 month long battle.  Cancer sucks.  15 years together, 11 years married, 4 kids, total of 4 dogs, and then 7 months of trying to stay here, but God had other plans.  We will always miss you.  That can’t change.  Over time, it helps to see that we are ok though and we can still thrive in this life we have been given.  God is good and when we trust His plan, we can see a bigger picture.  Life can be so scary sometimes, but that trust and faith and hope is huge.  Bobby, you know I have never been able to keep my mouth shut when I believe strongly in something.  Well, I believe strongly in this: the key to any new widows out there, and to anyone that has lost a loved one is to keep faith, to have faith.  They need to know that it really does get easier and that it is not selfish to enjoy life again.  If anything, it’s more selfish not to.  We are here and need to appreciate that by living, truly living, and by loving hard and being kind while we still can, we are honoring those who have passed.  We should be spreading peace and joy and happiness.  Being on this planet is a blessing.  We should always try to honor that and make sure we are making every day the best one yet, in whatever way possible.  Bobby, I know you’re always with us, every step of the way.  I know you see the crazy life we lead and how I barely seem to keep it all working, somehow.  It really is something to reflect each year through these letters that I write to you on our lives. 

Joni will be 16 in a month.  When I watch her now, I am in awe that she was that scrawny little thing with the high pitched voice and the bossy attitude and sweet eyes who used to dance between us in the kitchen.  She lost the high pitched voice, but definitely kept the bossy attitude.  She is taking driver’s ed, working, and playing volleyball.  She has gotten straight A’s the entire school year.  She is a nerd like me.  Like any teenager, she can be extremely helpful or drive me crazy depending on her mood.  She was confirmed yesterday.   It was a very proud moment.  I am sure that feeling of overwhelming emotion was because you and all of our angels were there to celebrate as well.  She is a hard worker and saving up for a car. She wants to be able to get one next winter when she gets her license.  I must be raising her right!  She is a tough cookie.  Her life experiences have made her that way, I’m sure.  She doesn’t wear her heart on her sleeve the way I do.  She protects herself by mostly holding it in and avoiding negativity altogether.   Sometimes this is a good thing, but I worry it will bite her in the ass someday as well.  We are all allowed to have our way, however.  I can only guide and make sure she knows I’m always here to listen. 

Hanna is 14.  She is the same Hanna she has always been, stubborn as hell, but also very loving.  She worries so much, especially about me.  I understand why and I know it’s normal, but I still wish I could take her worry away.  She will be in high school next year with Joni.  I am very excited to see what she chooses as a path to follow with a new slate.  The past few years have been difficult.  It will be nice for her to have consistency for school finally.   She is really a beautiful young lady and has such a cute style.  She has been great at encouraging Maddox in his schoolwork lately.  It is so helpful.  She makes such a difference when she helps me.  Post pandemic we have finally gone out a few times shopping again.  She is definitely my kid.  She and I have a blast when we shop together.  The boys and Joni all get bored, but Hanna and I could both just poke around through stores for hours laughing and enjoying just being out and about.  There are so many times lately that she and I are together and it feels nice to connect.  As she gets older and more mature, I am grateful for that connection.  I just let her behind the wheel to drive down the street since she will be driving soon too.  For some reason, it scares me more to think of her behind the wheel.  She is just still so small! The kids just had doctors appointments and she is only 1 inch taller than Brody.

Brody is 11 and has homeschooled with me this year.  I’ve taught him 2 grades and hoping to put him ahead next year.  I’m not trying to push him.  He just learns things quickly and is a very intelligent kid.  He loves baseball and especially playing catcher.  He is in his second year of playing.  He’s got a great coach, which I never take for granted.  It’s so much fun to be outside watching him play.  He loves trying to get Maddox out there and teach him tips on the game.  It makes me happy to have baseball back in our lives after it was gone for a few years.  We all missed it.  Brody loves riding his bike and fishing like most boys do.  He also fights with Maddox and gets annoyed with him like most brothers do as well. I remind him someday they’ll be best friends.  Brody is constantly cooking up new creations and the only one that cleans up after himself most of the time.  He is so sweet and thoughtful and helpful and I would be lost without all he does to make me smile.  He hugs me every chance he gets and always says sweet things to me. 

Maddox is 7 now.  Homeschooling him this year has been challenging,  but also rewarding.   He is reading like a champ and very proud of himself.  He is a spitfire and can’t sit still to save his life.  He is also playing baseball and I’m his team’s coach,  God help me.  We had our first game last weekend and it was super fun.  Thank God I had help. Herding sheep. Honestly.  But still fun.  Maddox never stops moving and talking.  When I can get him to stop and snuggle, I take it all in.  That’s my littlest baby, after all.  He has the MOST bubbly personality and could run for mayor.  I love how he makes friends everywhere he goes. 

Raising them as a single parent is hard.  Well, that’s an understatement, actually.   I constantly feel like I’m failing, but luckily I have good people around me who tell me I’m doing just fine.  Sometimes I even believe them. This past year professionally has been a challenge with the pandemic. I have used it to take a course to help me as the world gets more “normal” again. I have also used the time to write more which has always been important to me. I have busted butt on home improvements and teaching the kids new skills as I learn them myself. Getting them to do chores seems harder now that I have teens and a tween than when they were all under the age of 10! I heard baseball needed some volunteers this past winter so I showed up to a meeting to see what I could do. Somehow I left as the secretary along with volunteering to coach Maddy’s team. I’m happy to have met some great people, so it has become a win in my book. This past year has been a good one, with more positives than just baseball, thanks to our angels.

[ I have also been blessed with a pretty awesome man in my life. It’s been over 7 months and he still puts up with my crazy. In fact, he might even like it I think. He and his son have not only been a blessing for me, but also for the kids. He treats me like I am the most special woman on earth, even if he doesn’t try. We work together very well and it has added to our happiness. It’s a great thing I never settled on what didn’t feel right for whatever reason with someone else. This gave the room for what he and I now get to share. We are pretty sure there are a few angels up there that set this all up. Thank you for that. ]

Thanks for making sure we had so many great memories. As time goes by, it’s nice to be able to share those, laugh at them, and keep you in our lives. Xoxo

I have friends that grew up on and around lakes. They put their boat out in the freshwater, enjoy fishing, and all of the other joys that come from being on the water. When we talk about the water, I talk of the ocean, the salt. Growing up with freshwater tends to make one think salt is somehow ‘gross’. I think that’s blasphemy. Don’t get me wrong. There are perks to freshwater. Most people will be quick to point out the whole shark argument, I know…I know, but the magic of that salt, of the ocean, that feeling that comes over me…there isn’t anything like it. One of my best friends over video chat a few weeks ago was referring to the ocean. “It’s a special place. There is no place quite like it.” She has seen quite a few places across the globe and yet, this is still the place that never leaves her heart. I’ve been to 42 states, to oceans, lakes, ponds, and rivers. I’ve been to the mountains and the plains as well. There is nothing like the ocean. Living on Cape Cod is different. It is a blessing. It has a pull like no other place, no matter where else I have been. I am sure this will stir something in my friends and others who read this and live on Cape as well. As spring is finally here, I have been inspired to make a list of the things about living here that make me especially giddy as summer approaches. I welcome you to share with me your own joys of summer and our beloved Cape Cod.

10. Stuffed Quahogs

9. Telling tourists about the tunnel.

8. CCBL. Cape Cod summer baseball is more than just a game. Drop by a game and you’ll see what I mean.

7. Outdoor showers

6. Mudslides : Chartroom or Sea Crest, you decide. Both are one of the best tastes of summer on the Upper Cape.

5. Anything Ptown. Commercial Street, eclectic shops, the candy store, street performers, theater, whale watches, climbing the tower, hiking around the sand dunes…just to name a few.

4. Ice cream. On the Cape we are ice cream snobs. We have every right to be when we have so many amazing places to choose from. My personal favorite is Somerset Creamery where you can smell the homemade waffle cones as soon as you pull into the parking lot.

3. Sunsets at Old Silver Beach and Sandy Neck.

2. Salt. I remember when my kids were little and the smell of their hair when they got out of the ocean and sat in my lap. That has always been my favorite smell. Mix salt and sunscreen and sea air and it equals heaven. That sun-kissed salty skin is the best feeling too!

1. Home. The Cape is home. It may have a million reasons to be the best place on the planet, but it will always be home and for that, I am beyond grateful.

I know most people have a special spot in their heart for the places in which they live. I understand bias. However, my point is that I am grateful. It isn’t lost on me that people pay thousands of dollars each summer to visit where I live. I get to play tourist and it’s amazing. If you have never been to Cape Cod, give us a visit. If you haven’t been in a while, come back. Lastly, if you live here and don’t like the tourists, remember they bring in the dollars that help support our local businesses and keep our area well-kept. Also, if you know me and you like me, just know that I was once “just a summer kid” here. Look at you, getting to have me all year round!

Yeah, there is a magic to being on the water, but the ocean? The magic of the salt and it’s healing powers go beyond the science and right to the heart. Don’t believe me. Come find out for yourself.

It’s time for a change guys. I am not even bringing politics into this either. It doesn’t matter if you think left, right, or middle. Change needs to happen and it needs to start IN YOUR HOUSE WITH YOU AND YOUR KIDS. We have been fighting a pandemic across the globe for 8 months. We were improving and now we have a surge. This should not surprise any of us. In summer, we have more people out and about and less sickness. As fall continues and winter comes, cases of everything will rise as they always do. However, we all know (because yes people science is real) that this is a big one, people are still dying, life is still being altered, etc. There is a saying, “It isn’t about what happens to you, it’s about how you handle it”. Depression is real, mental health issues are real, anxiety is real. They are also part of life. Our children are suffering from these things more than ever and so are we. Professional help is needed and golden in some cases, but not necessary in all of them. There is something missing that we as a society have neglected to teach our children and have neglected to learn for ourselves. It’s my favorite word: RESILIENCE.

Learning to be resilient is just like learning anything else, it requires practice and finding the right tools for the job. Its requires a commitment over time to change your habits, and even to change how your brain views life and its experiences. ANYONE can benefit from having resiliency. Some people may require more help than this, but having this added in can only help.

I am not an expert on mental health or resiliency. I do not claim to be able to “fix” anyone, nor do I ever believe that is my job. God put me here for a reason. I believe in using my experiences and the skills I have acquired throughout my life to help others and to give hope through my own actions.

So, here we are. In a pandemic. Here is some of what I have been hearing.

• “I am so sick of this.”
• “It’s just not fair.”
• “I hate wearing a mask. This is stupid.”
• “It’s just not fair.”
• “I miss seeing all my friends.”
• “It’s just not fair.”
• “But I wanna play football/hockey/lacrosse!”
• “It’s just not fair.”
• “What about the holidays? Nobody is going to tell me I can’t have a party.”
• “It’s just not fair.”
• “My mom is paranoid I guess, but I can’t go to that party.”
• “It’s just not fair.”

Let me stop right here. In case nobody has ever told you this, and yes I am looking you right in the eye, LIFE IS NOT FAIR. TO ANYONE. AT DIFFERENT TIMES. SOMETIMES TO EVERYONE. IT NEVER WILL BE. AS SOON AS YOU SUCK IT UP AND LET THAT CONCEPT OF “FAIR” GO, YOU WILL BE ON THAT JOURNEY TO RESILIENCE AND INNER HAPPINESS!

We cannot control what happens to us or around us. We cannot control school being in person, remote, or hybrid. We cannot control whether or not sports and sporting events are allowed. We cannot control someone else’s behavior if they aren’t doing what we consider to be the “right” thing.

What we can control is how we choose to react, view, and move forward each day under whatever circumstances we have been given. I WILL BE THE FIRST TO SAY THIS IS NOT ALWAYS EASY!

You have two options. You either wallow and stay there and over time change your brain chemistry to see life as awful and miserable and to teach your children the same OR you go through the emotions of getting upset, getting it out, and letting it go, moving forward with skills that help you to see that life is always changing and we can still enjoy it and in doing so, you teach that joy to your children (and to anyone else watching).

So the holidays are coming up, a time for gatherings. I myself will miss the enormous open house I have every year. Some worry about money more at the holidays, especially now if you can’t work. Some people suffer from seasonal depression and some get lonelier than normal. So, what are we going to do about all of this? What a great holiday season it would be if we bitched about the stuff we can’t do and listened to our kids do the same or hide in their rooms on their devices…. who’s with me? Sounds awesome, right? NOT EVEN A CHANCE!

So what then? Well, first, let’s go back to my favorite word. RESILIENCY. Like I said, I am no expert. Here are just some skills that work for me. I suggest anyone that hasn’t done these things, to start. It can be life changing, no matter how minor you think they are.

• Live with gratitude. Trust me, someone is out there worse off than you right now. Make a list of 10 things every night that you are grateful for. It doesn’t matter how trivial the things on that list seem. Just make it. For example, I ate a hot meal today or I have a bed to sleep in or I have fingers that helped tie my son’s shoes! It doesn’t matter how big or how small. MAKE THE LIST. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
• Wake up and set your tone. Before you grab for your phone or turn on the news or roll out of bed, make a list (in your head if you want, counting on your fingers) of 10 things you’re looking forward to that day. Again, anything! Is the sun out? Look forward to good weather. Is it raining? Look forward to a hot cocoa kind of day. Look forward to getting to snuggle, see, or even talk on the phone with a loved one. Look forward to the unexpected that you tell yourself will happen in a positive way that day!
• Take a deep breath. Relax your shoulders when you exhale. Picture letting go of whatever is weighing you down. Imagine it vanishing into the sky and leaving you alone.
• Practice compassion. Imagine someone who may have wronged you and think of the state they must be in to stoop to that level. Send them good thoughts because nobody should be so miserable.
• Give yourself time to grieve or cry or kick something. Let it out. Then wipe your tears and come up with a plan. Tell yourself why it will be ok. Because I promise you, it will be ok.
• Find someone you trust to vent to about what’s bugging you and ask their opinion or perspective of the situation. Make sure to surround yourself with other positive people. Be aware that some people are joy suckers and some are joy givers. Make the givers your tribe.
• Laugh. Do what I do and go on Pinterest and look up funny memes or jokes. Watch a TV show at the end of the day that you know is funny, even the reruns. I could watch Friends over and over again and still always laugh. There is so much great humor out there and laughter being the best medicine is not just a saying.
• When you feel down, encourage someone else. Just like when you teach someone something, you reinforce your own learning of the subject, when you encourage someone else and give them kind, positive words, you hear them yourself and reinforce what you know to be true.
• Find a hobby and take the time to develop it. A distraction from the norm gives your brain a break from thinking of the stressors and creates euphoria from the endorphins that doing things we enjoy will give us.
• Read a book with positive vibes, quotes, inspiration, self help, etc. Then practice what it preaches.
• Use imagery. Imagine you have a force field, a bubble around you. Anything that comes your way negative each day will just bounce right off. It cannot even reach you to affect you and your mood.

My list could go on and on, but these can be major helpers on the road to changing your mind and becoming more resilient.

Now let’s take this into the holiday season. Let’s start by all agreeing that this year the holidays will not be the same as we have always had them. Now, let’s think about the ways in which that might be a good thing.

Do you have trouble enjoying the holiday season because it feels too rushed? Because you always have so many people to visit, so many events to attend? Not this year! SAVOR EVERY MOMENT! You have no choice, but to slow down. So do it! Watch movies, bake cookies, craft home made gifts, play games, make an entire darn gingerbread neighborhood! Enjoy doing whatever it is that will bring you and your family joy this year.

Have you always wanted to start a new tradition that can be passed down from you and your children to their children and for years to come? Now is the time to do it! You have time to think of something you’ve never done before or embellish on something you used to do as a kid or whatever it is that makes you smile.

Can’t rush out every evening to a kids activity or sport? How about using that time at home to read with your children? Even big kids like a good story. Maybe choose a classic or something new, a chapter book to last all season or, with littles, maybe a new book each night that goes along with the holiday you’re celebrating. You and your family could also start an advent calendar to open a door each night with a new activity planned. You could start writing a story together and continue it a little each night, giving everyone a chance to join in. Relatives socially distant or in another town or state? Use a video chat platform and involve everyone. At the end of the season, print the story out, have family members create illustrations, put it all together and keep it to read each year.

Bummed (like me) about not having a big holiday party? How about making it a point each day to reach out in some way to someone you would have had over? Catch up via call, text, or video chat. Missing your cookie swap? Do it anyways! Use video chat while baking and then wrap them up and spend the weekend delivering the goodies to the others involved and picking up your treats in return!

Did you stop sending cards because it was too time consuming? Use this time to send them once again, knowing that getting mail makes everyone feel good and smile!

Do crowded stores always bug you? Turn to small shops for gift cards to help keep them in business. Use time to shop around online for the bigger ticket items your children might be asking for and have it delivered or use the curbside pick up option many stores now offer.

Can’t hold your charity event? Do you always give to a charity or do something special? Consider an online event if you are fundraising. If you normally give and can again this year, then there are plenty of ways to do that. Search online for charities and ideas. Use the time you have to help others in whatever socially distant ways possible. Involve friends or family. Make it fun. Make it meaningful. Even something as simple as baking for local workers, essential employees, teachers, etc. makes a welcome gesture and spreads joy that we all can certainly use!

There are lists among lists on Google, Pinterest, etc. of fun ideas for the holidays. Access them! Keep a journal and suggest the kids do it too. In it, chronicle how this year you made the best of a situation that you couldn’t change. Focus on the new things you did or tried, on the new traditions you have found, on how it felt to savor every moment and to get to spend more time connecting with the people closest to you. As you make positive changes, your children will follow. It isn’t an instant gratification thing, this practice of building resiliency. Be patient. I have four kids. If mine whine any squeakier the palladium window on the front of the house will start to crack. I know how difficult it is to work on yourself. It’s even harder to change them. But, over time as they see your behavior change, they will too. Remember that somewhere in their brain, what they watch you do and hear you say really is sinking in and eventually you will notice. Consistency is key. We all have setbacks. Roll with it. Forgive yourself. We can’t always be 100% positive and cheery, but we can learn to work through those days and tougher times and come out on top.

I am chomping at the bit to get this place cleaned up so we can get to the decorations, baking, crafting, movie watching, and most of all snuggling. I know the kids will complain about something, especially the teenagers. I will smile and just keep the spirit of kindness and joy going throughout the house. I also might pour some wine because…well…teenagers.

Happy Holidays, my friends. Happy RESILIENT Holidays!

Mike passed away 17 years ago today. I think about him so much, all year round. Today got me thinking about some things I learned by having him as a big brother though. So here are some things that come to mind.

~ It doesn’t matter if you yell shotgun, it matters who gets there first.

~ It doesn’t matter if you are watching the TV. He will change it and then punch you if you tell mom.

~ He will always be the one that farted. It will be awful and he will try to make sure you are trapped.

~ His friends will pick on you too.

~ Your friends will all have crushes on his friends, but you’ll know better. Looks mean nothing when someone is sitting on you trying to steal your sandwich.

~ Van Halen is one of the best bands ever.

~ Laughter fixes everything. There is laughter out there that will hurt your belly and make you cry in a good way. Find those people. That’s your tribe.

~ Just take the teasing and then dole that crap right back.

~ Anal beads really are the BEST stocking stuffer.

~ Snakes suck.

~ A positive attitude is all you should ever throw at life. No matter what.

~ Playing any game is hilarious with the right people.

~ Riding out a hurricane and no power for 9 days is also the best with the right people.

~ There are people who can and will eat an entire loaf of pumpkin bread, especially if there is a threat of someone else eating some.

~ A box of devil dogs is really only 2 servings, sometimes 1.

~ When you win, rub it in.

~ Advil is good for a hangover.

~ Don’t walk in wet cement.

~ Losing weight is hard, but worth it.

~ Your dates will be threatened and tortured.

~ Don’t ever shack up with a member of the opposite sex in my mother’s house.

~ Exploring the world is important, but so is coming home.

~~~~~~ And, most importantly, ~~~~~~

~ A bond between a brother and sister can’t be broken by death. There will always be signs if you look for them.❤

Some readers will completely get this and some will be left wondering if I have lost my mind. You’ll know who you are…if you get it, you just get it and you’ll know to wave.

I got my first Jeep when I got my license. I grew up in a family of Jeep owners and always knew it was in my blood. It was an ’89 black wrangler (back before the 4 doors were a thing). It was gorgeous as far as I was concerned. It was also a piece of crap in the running-efficiently-with-no-issues department. I didn’t care about that though. What 16 year old girl would? Looking back, it was a blessing. I learned quite a bit about how to fix things and at least which parts were which and what they did. That Jeep drove my high school friends around every weekend. Every weekday she barely got my best friend and I to school on time! I remember commuting to the campus of Bridgewater State to my classes when I was in college. I carpooled with a friend. After class, we would pop the hood and put dry gas in the carburetor to get it to start up. The boys always asked if we needed help, but we would just smile at them as the little flame shot out and we knew we were good to go. Another time, I had an oil leak, but plans to visit a friend in Maine, about 4-5 hours away. My dad was the coolest, buying me a case of oil, and reminding me to keep checking it or I would be screwed and we would fix it when I got home the next week. I am pretty certain my friend thought I was crazy when we left the movies, I checked the oil, and added a quart. I did it every so many miles. That Jeep made me appreciate every vehicle I have had since then that ran with all the parts working!

I drove her for about 3 years. The last time I drove her, I was on my way to work and smoke started to come out of the steering wheel. The next day my dad co-signed a loan for me and I brought home my new 1996 turquoise wrangler. She was a beauty! I called her my Buffett-mobile (after Jimmy, of course). It was, and still is, my favorite color: summer, fun, friends, sun, sand, margaritas.

That girl saw years of memories. She was with me when I met my husband. She must have been attracted to his black wrangler. I know I was! Together we drove my girl down to West Virginia to Camp Jeep three years in a row. The first year, we decided to tent camp. Neither he nor I had ever done it before. It rained all three nights! In the middle of the third night, we packed up and drove to a damn hotel! I have never tent camped since! One year we got my dad and my uncle to drive down with us to Camp Jeep. It was so fun! Bobby, my future husband, and I used to enter the contests to see who could take down and put back up the soft top in the fastest time. Back then they were easy! Loud as heck, but quick to maneuver. He broke a minute and I broke a minute and a half. We won a new soft top and an extra set of new windows one year. In 2001, that girl drove the two of us across the country. One day, she drove all the way from Denver to Kentucky, but that was Bobby’s stubbornness kicking in really. She saw the Hoover Dam, the Grand Canyon, the 4 corners, drove straight across Kansas, almost the entire East Coast… She was the “Limo” that was decorated and drove us from the church to the reception when we got married. She saw the birth of both of my daughters. It broke my heart to sell her when our girls were 1 and 3, but Bobby insisted it wasn’t practical and we shouldn’t keep it to just put on the road a few months a year (he was sooo wrong!). She was definitely one of those Jeeps where what happens in the Jeep, stays in the Jeep!

Our lives took some crazy turns over the years. We had another son, then lost our second son at birth, then had a rainbow baby boy after that. Motherhood took over, homeschooling, just trying to survive. Summers came and went and I always longed for that damn Jeep! Thank God I know the awesome people that have had it and appreciated it like me, and the memories I am certain they too have had with her.

Five years ago, Bobby died. He had bought a nice truck about a year prior to his passing away. That first year, lots of things were thrown at me (as they still are!). About a year after he died, I was turning 40. I had definitely lost who I used to be. I lost her in babies and marriage stress and financial crap and worst of all cancer. It was time to find her again, to get her back. If anything, it was not only a gift I could give myself, but a gift Bobby had made possible for me by way of his truck and being able to sell it. I knew the best thing that I could do for myself, was to remind myself of who I have always been. Remind myself of what makes me smile, of the fun life always has to offer if you just look for it. I opened my eyes and looked. I got rid of that truck and bought myself the perfect 40th birthday present, a 2013 4 door sport. She is a cool shade of yellow and reminded me of when my brother owned a yellow Jeep. I named her Little Miss Mango and its written on her hood, along with an anchor “tattoo” I gave her. After all, like my blog title states, “I refuse to sink”. She is covered in fun stickers just like her sisters before her too. See, when you have a Jeep, you need to make it your own. You give it the style and the accessories. Each Jeep is unique because the owner shows its personality. Sometimes those personalities take time to build. Sometimes they just aren’t cheap!

I’ve got four kiddos now. The five of us have made sure she has seen some of the road as well. She has already been packed to the gills each year for our annual trip to Maine and she took the trek down to Hershey one year for a cheer comp. She took us to the Ben and Jerry’s factory two years ago and to Lake Champlain. My oldest three now fight over who gets to ride shotgun when the doors are off. They stick their feet out and love the wind. They’ve learned to keep a sweatshirt on hand and we always have a few blankets in the back. The six year old cracks us up by insisting his window be rolled up even when the top is off. They are learning things along the way, like don’t eat popcorn because it will blow away and it’s no use fighting and asking for Mom’s help because she won’t hear you over the radio! They know the Jeep code and respect it. They will always wave to you or, my personal favorite, shoot you a peace sign when we drive our Jeep past yours.

There is a peace inside of me when I drive her. There is a freedom when the top is off, when the doors are off. I can’t find that same feeling in any other place and I don’t want to. It isn’t for the high maintenance or anyone that doesn’t want their hair in a ponytail or a braid. It isn’t for anyone that cares if they get a little wet. It isn’t for anyone that cares if they can’t hear the person sitting next to them over the wind or the radio. It isn’t for someone who needs clean, dry carpets. I have known people who get a Jeep, complain about it, and get rid of it. It’s not for them. I know the people who get one when they’re younger, then need the “grown up car”. Those people are definitely missing the point. I’ve also met people (especially men) who will say to me, “Oh you are a chick on the Cape and drive a Jeep? Isn’t that every chick on the Cape?” There are people who get the Jeep for the “fun car” or for some kind of status or thinking a Jeep is just going to make them cooler for the summer. I’m not judging. But those people usually don’t “get it” the way the rest of us do.

Once you get that feeling…once you smile just because your vehicle is open to the elements and it feels amazing, once that gets in your blood and stays, then you “get it”. To all my fellow Jeep peeps, my hope is that, if anything, maybe getting lost in that feeling has somehow helped you to find yourself again too. Wave on my Jeep friends, wave on.

My husband, Bobby, passed away after a 7 month battle with stomach cancer on May 17th, 2015. Our 4 children were 1 1/2, 5, 8, and 9. Every year I write a letter to him and post it. I write this letter as a way to honor him and his memory, to remind others that there can always be faith, hope, and love in the toughest of situations (and that these WILL lift us up), and because love never dies. I also write these letters to honor the strength, resiliency, and perseverance in my children and in myself. So, here’s my letter and here’s to Bobby.

5 Years…

Dear Bobby,  I miss you.  We miss you.  That’s never going to change.  I know that.  That’s ok.  It just shows how blessed we were to have had you in our lives and how much you are still loved.  This has been one hell of an effing year. Holy crap! Joni started high school this past fall! I definitely prefer the worries of when they are younger to the worries of teenagers! She has had a great year though. She has made honor roll every quarter and gotten herself into the health careers program. She currently would like to become a pediatric surgeon of some sort. God bless her! I still hate hospitals! She played volleyball and basketball. She also made the lacrosse team, but the season was cancelled because of the Covid19 pandemic. It is so scary to know she needs more independence and to figure out the safe ways to give it to her. I hold on a little too tight maybe, but these kids are all I got. Someday they’ll understand. I am grateful for the friends that she has made this year. They are good kids with good families. I am most grateful that she maintains the connections from her St. Margaret’s years. These are families that I couldn’t live without! She is a great kid with a great heart, but it’s now mixed in with teenager stuff. She helps when she wants to or when I finally yell about it. She tells me I don’t understand anything. She also still wants me to tuck her in and sing to her and she still gives me random hugs. It’s all balance I guess. She is navigating being a high schooler and I am navigating parenting one. We will both screw up, I’m sure, but it’s been done before so I think we will be OK. You would be so excited watching her play sports. She really works so hard and has improved tremendously.

Hanna is 13 now. I am not qualified to raise one teenager, let alone two. Also, forgive me for all the times I curse you for leaving me here by myself with two teenage girls, but teenage girls suck! This year was also the first year for Hanna in a public school. There has been alot of getting used to things for her and we have had our struggles, but we are getting there. She worked hard as Chip in the school play Beauty and the Beast. Unfortunately, pandemic cancelled the performance which was just so hard to take after all that anticipation, excitement, and work. She has maintained good grades this year and also played field hockey last fall. She did awesome and I could imagine you screaming and cheering on the sidelines. She is so creative too. I love that about her. She comes up with some of the coolest ideas.

Brody is finishing up 4th grade. He is super nervous to go to a new school next year, a bigger school without his best friend. That part breaks my heart. I will do everything I can to keep them connected though. They have a friendship and bond that I’ve never seen before and I love it. He misses you every day and most days tells me. He misses someone to shoot on him when he puts on his street hockey goalie pads and rollerblades. He misses someone to pitch to him. He misses so much more than that too. I try. I always do. I’m not the same though and I know it. He is the sweetest and tells me often that he knows I’m trying and that he appreciates it and loves me. He also asks me when I could please get a boyfriend! Haha. I know boys need boys. That makes me love that he does have his best friend even more. Brody is definitely a jack of all trades. He gets straight A’s nearly all the time. He is sweet, respectful, and kind. He loves to play sports and reminds me of you in that he has started to memorize every sports fact in history! He loves football, hockey, basketball, and baseball. He is also great at fixing broken stuff and making things work around here and so helpful. Thank God! He is an amazing cook too. The list of foods he has made keeps growing. He makes his own bagels from scratch and also made a ricotta pie 2 weeks ago. I tell him, and all our kids, how proud I know you are of them. Thank God they are all great cooks!

Then there is our youngest baby. Maddox started kindergarten this year! He is as unique as they come. Each child is, I know. Maddox is absolutely crazy. His energy for everything is off the charts. He has become more independent this year in so many ways, but he still milks the fact that he is the youngest. He pretends he can’t do stuff when he is lazy and wants someone else to do it for him. Little stinker. He has made awesome friends at school. We are blessed for these friends and will work to keep these connections. St. Margaret’s will be closed now, so Maddox will be at public school too, and without any of his buddies. I hate this. I have every faith in the public schools, I think they are wonderful, and I know he will excel. But they were at a small school for a reason and thats what we all know and love, so this is a hard transition. No matter how upset it makes me, I smile and give them all the reassurances I can and point out the positives. Maddox says he is excited he won’t have to wear a uniform because it always gave him a wedgie and the playgrounds at the new school are awesome. It’s all about the recess when you’re six. He loves sports too and wants to do everything Brody does. He also loves to build forts and do anything that causes me to freak out. He says he wants to be a firefighter. I know when I finally go grey, he will be the reason. He misses you in a different way than the others. It sucks that he didn’t have much time with you at all. I tell him stories and we have pictures everywhere. But he knows it’s not fair. He wants a man around too. I swear he would marry me off tomorrow if he could, just to have a man to do “boy” stuff with!

All of the kids miss you. I know that. We all have a void. The girls don’t say much, but the boys tell me often. I try to date and meet men, but to be honest, I was spoiled in many ways. I don’t compare other men to you, but I know what made us compatible. I know what I was attracted to in you. Those wants aren’t going to change. I was spoiled in that you were a very attractive man and your personality made you even better. I was spoiled because you were funny and sarcastic and could take a joke. I was spoiled because you let me be me and do the quirky stuff I do and you would just shake your head and give me a kiss. I was spoiled and I haven’t found that yet again. I will. It’s harder now than 20 years ago when we met. Now I have kids that kind of pressure me to find a man dammit! Haha I also have so many other things on my plate too. Every year I grow my fitness career a little more and I’m proud of that. Working while raising 4 kids alone is a challenge, but little by little and day by day I make it work. I have also been working on things around the house and that to do list never ends. I have learned alot, no doubt. I think about you everyday. Lately, I gave thought to some things I’ll never forget. I remember the night we met at The Charlie Horse. You knew my friend and I knew yours. We randomly saw each other the next night at a different place too. Tell me that wasn’t fate. I remember being miserable one day on my couch with cramps and you bringing me swedish fish because I loved Swedish fish. I remember you running out every Sunday night to get Somerset Creamery for us while I put the kids to bed so we could eat it together in peace. I remember you questioning if I really needed to bring my medicine ball when we drove cross country and letting me bring it anyways. I didn’t use it once. I remember working out together at Bruce’s gym. We pushed each other to be faster, stronger, healthier. Man, that was sexy as hell! I remember when we were addicted to Storage Wars. We experienced so much in our 15 years together! Life is always a journey and we learn as we go. As I have lived these past 5 years without you here on earth with me, I have come to accept so many things. I have also made changes in ways that better our lives and make us happier. I am my worst critic, but when it comes down to it, I know that all I can do is my best. I have made awesome memories with the kids and I will continue to make more. Right now I can hear them fighting and tearing up the house. There are stages we all go through. I guess this is where I’m at right now. I am a tired mom, not as burnt out as I was a few months ago (thanks to the pandemic for slowing life down!), knowing I can take care of shit on my own, but not really wanting to, and living with the hope that there will always be good things to come. I am proud of us. God, the way I miss you sometimes does still takes my breath away.

Love you Bobby. Always. Xoxo

Right at the foot of the Bourne Bridge, in a little place called Buzzards Bay, lies what many of us refer to as “a hidden gem”. We are not referring to the great bike path at the canal or the cool campground or even the best little smoothie bar. Nope, not even close. We are speaking of a school, but not just any school. This “gem” is St. Margaret’s Regional/Primary School. It’s set back right there behind the church on Main Street. It doesn’t look like much really from the outside, but appearances can be deceiving. I have known this place as SMRS for too long now, so this is how I will shorten it for writings sake. SMRS is not just a school, not to me or to my children, not to any of the teachers, staff, and families that are a part or ever have been a part of this place. SMRS is a family. Once you are a part of it, this family never leaves you.

Let me back this up just a bit to how we came upon joining the SMRS family. I homeschooled my children for 7 years. I have 4 of them. Five years ago their dad, my husband, passed away. The following year I knew I now wore too many hats to keep homeschooling 4 children, work, and maintain a household. It was difficult to make this decision and I wanted to find a place where my children would transition well without being lost in a large setting. We looked at a few places, but stopped looking the day we toured St. Margaret’s. There was an instant feeling here of belonging, support, acceptance, love. There was nothing fake or overwhelming about it either. It was just a natural thing that seemed to come from every person with whom we spoke. My girls left there so excited. The following year they entered in grades 4th and 6th. A year later my older son would start there and, a year after that, my youngest started preschool at SMRS. Throughout the years we have personally had ups and downs within our own family. SMRS has been there for us every step of the way. Other friends have had hardships. We have collectively as a school family been there to help. Two years ago, our middle school was closed by the diocese. It was very abrupt and caused us all much sadness and disappointment, and some anger as well. Being a regional school, it makes it harder for our children to be in other schools in the same town. The good thing about being a family, however, is that the love doesn’t end. The friendships have continued and will continue. We are bonded.

Currently, our school has been a prek through grade 4 experience. We have been blessed with amazing teachers and staff. They have cared for our children as their own. We have laughed together and cried together. We have also fought as families do. In the end, we all want what is best for our children. Today we received news. There are not enough adjectives, enough words, to describe this news. Sad, disappointing, angering are a few. What has remained of our little gem of a school is being closed at the end of this school year forever. Done. No more St. Margaret’s Regional/Primary School. No more gem at the foot of the bridge. The diocese has decided they cannot fund our school family any longer. What they don’t know is that we will NEVER stop being a FAMILY. We don’t need a building. We don’t need permission to love one another. We are the SMRS family and that will NEVER leave us. As we have been loving and fighting as families do, now we are coming together. We have been hit. We have been hit hard. We are grieving. All of us. If there is one thing loss has taught me (and there is far more than 1 thing) its that everyone grieves differently. We all have our own way of dealing with this loss. It is a huge loss. If you haven’t been a part of it, then you won’t truly understand, but that’s OK. We don’t need you to understand. Just respect that we are grieving. To my fellow SMRS family, I love you. We are a force to be reckoned with. We are faithful. We know God is in charge. We know God’s love because we have seen it in each other and, especially, in our children. To our teachers, you have changed my family and all of the other ones that God blessed you to touch. You have taught our children that adults other than their parents truly care about them and welcome them unconditionally. You have gone beyond what you have learned in school. You have taught with your heads and your hearts. You have sat with me before my children started there to learn about Joni’s autoimmune disease and you were willing to listen and learn and care for her if I wasn’t there to do so myself. When we lost my dad, my kids Pubby, you helped hold my kids and I together. You listened to me and let me cry. You understood the anxiety Hanna had leaving me to be in school. When Brody had a tough time starting school, you had open arms, warm hearts, and plenty of fun things to make him happy and to make him thrive! When Maddox entered school still behind in his speech, you never treated him differently. In fact, you worked with me and learned what you could do to help him. When I have been a scatter-brain (almost always!) staff and teachers have been understanding and have joked with me and made me feel like maybe I’m not really a hot mess, but just have a lot to think about. You have ALL just gone above and beyond.

To our families, some of you I know well and some I don’t. That doesn’t matter. I am here for you. You as a whole have carried me when I have been weak. I am here now and always if you need to be carried. WE ARE NOT ONLY FAMILY, WE ARE FRIENDS. You have my back and I have yours. SMRS runs in our blood. And it runs strong. We have been on a journey together and I say this is NOT the end. The doors can close, but we do not need a building to love and cherish each other and each others children. As the teachers and staff have treated my children as their own, many of you have as well. I love your children too. I cannot imagine our lives without you in it. And so I will not. We may live in different towns. Next year, our kids may be at different schools. We have learned through our current pandemic that a slower life is a blessing. I urge you, do not get too busy to keep these bonds and continue to nurture them. I will not be too busy for a playdate or drinks or a phone call from any of you. This goes for my amazing teacher friends at SMRS too. I want to sit on the beach with you. I want to see you for dinner. I want my kids to know that you didn’t go away. That you still are family. That you still love them. They will always love you. So will I!

God brought us together. He had a reason. Each of us was brought to St. Margaret’s under one of His brilliant plans. Whether you were brought there to teach, to volunteer, to learn, or to give your children a stellar education, it has ALL been part of God’s plan. There are so many parts of this horrible news today that can make us angry. That is all OK. As I have said, we all grieve in different ways. No judgment. As we move forward, as God is clearly commanding us to do, let’s hold one another tight in our hearts. Let us remember the blessing that is St. Margaret’s. Let us remember that like God’s love for each of us, the love that SMRS created runs through our veins and always will. We will all move forward, even with heavy hearts, through this loss, through this grief. We will move forward. We will do it with love for one another. We will do it as a family should. And, in the next chapter, we will still hold each other in our hearts and be a part of each other’s lives.

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:9