A few weeks ago I began a journey around the country with my four kids. Its has been many things: fun, exciting, educational, hilarious,  frustrating,  rewarding…. Here are some lessons I have learned.

1. After having 5 babies, I pee more than my kids. It is what it is. I cannot pee in a bottle while the car is moving since Im the only driver. So we stop. Often. Ugh.

2.  Do not ask your 7 year old son to help your 3 year old son pee in a bottle when you are sitting in traffic. That will end with pee all over said 3 year old’s pants.

3. Do not ask your 10 year old daughter to help her 3 year old brother pee in a bottle while sitting in traffic. She will try to hold his little wee wee in the bottle to avoid what happened when her 7 year old brother tried this before her. 3 year old will think this is funny and shove her hand out of the way to allow his wee wee to fly around willy nilly. This will result in 3 year old peeing on 10 year olds face and shirt. 10 year old will be very angry. Everybody else will laugh so hard that its hard to breathe.

4. People in the south are way nicer than Massholes. And yes,  we are Massholes. Even when I think Im being nice, compared to the southern people, Im just a jerk.

5. Do not empty a bottle of pee out the window while driving. It will blow back in and hit your children.

6. Children should all be forced to pee and poop on the side of the road. You are not being gross, dirty, or classless. You are preparing them for college.

7. If you dont drink soda and eat much fried food at home, don’t do it on vacation.  You will spend 2 days walking around Disney World with the world’s worst indigestion.

8. Sleeping in a queen sized bed on vacation with 7 and 3 year old boys is just as relaxing as it is at home….

9. When your children ask you some great questions about state facts and US history, you need to google. Its been 25 years since history class. The vague recollection I have of famous historical moments all blend together with decades of movies Ive seen and rumors I may or may not have heard. It all comes back to you when you google, but sadly, in most cases, I am not smarter than a 5th grader.

10.  You will never regret making memories. My trip sounded crazy to some people.  Others claimed I was brave to drive through 18 places in 18 days by myself with my 4 kids. You only live once. Although at times I may be both, brave and crazy have nothing to do with it.  We have ONE life to live and to love. My kids and I will never forget this trip. Here’s to many, many more insane adventures with my amazing (and sometimes crazy) family!