I know I still have quite a bit to learn and that we all have varying experiences and different knowledge to share. I am going to share 43 bits of knowledge I have learned through the years I have behind me. I am 42, but I’m a big believer in the “One to grow” thing. So, here is some (possibly useless) knowledge from Kelly, in no particular order.

1. Poop smell does not come off your hands right away no matter how many times you wash them. You are either a liar or practicing witchcraft if you say it does. Change a diaper or wipe your toddler and get some under your fingernails? Good luck! Wash your hands. Wash them three times. An hour later you’re eating some chips, you bring your hand up to your mouth to put one inside, and GUARANTEED you smell shit! Don’t tell me you don’t. Liar.

2. Everything is relative. Some people’s big stuff is not the same as others, but it can still hurt or be joyful depending on the person and the circumstances. Never discount someone’s pain and never be a joykill. We are leading different lives. It’s all important to someone, even if it’s not important to you.

3. Lazy sucks. Don’t be lazy. It gets you no where fast and it’s annoying to others.

4. Playdoh sucks. It gets in the rug. It gets hair in it. It gets dirt in it. It breaks apart and you find it everywhere for months. If you have kids you know what I mean. If you don’t mind it, then you aren’t the one cleaning up after your children. If you like someone at all, do not buy their kid playdoh for a gift. If you don’t like them, then knock yourself out. That’ll teach ’em!

5. It’s ok to sit still and not do stuff. I am working on this one. I envy people that give themselves a chance to sit and relax. Don’t beat yourself up the way I do when I give myself downtime.

6. EVERYTHING in moderation. Food, booze, exercise, a hobby, people….

7. Don’t do something for someone who doesn’t know how to do the task themselves unless you show them how they can do it next time. They may still need some help in the future, but you are arming them with a new skill. This is invaluable!

8. Never stop learning. Seek new skills. Seek new hobbies. You will feel badass. I promise.

9. Volunteer. There is nothing like putting your own shit in perspective by working with someone who needs you and teaches you about what is and is not important in life.

10. We all need help sometime. Help when you can. Ask for help and take the help when you need it.

11. Everyone is insecure about something. Remember this when you feel insecure. Think of how you would see yourself from the outside if you were a stranger. Odds are that nobody is focusing on you or your insecurities the way you think they are.

12. Eat what you want, but then burn it off. Nothing in life is free, including calories! Don’t go nuts eating crap, then you don’t need to go nuts burning it off.

13. On that same note, food is medicine. Good or bad. Value that shit.

14. Olive oil. If you want your kids to eat it (or just want it to be good in general), put olive oil on it. Cook everything with olive oil. Sautee any vegetable you can find in olive oil and add salt and pepper. I swear. Suddenly, they will fight over the brussel sprouts! No joke. Use the whole effing bottle if you need to. Oil and salt fix every.single.food. (Well maybe not cake or ice cream.)

15. If you use enough smelly body lotion, you can get away without a shower. But not for more than 2 days. Don’t do that. Then you’re just gross.

16. If you feel like crap, force yourself to shower. Then dress in something that is cute. Look in the mirror. You will not see someone who looks like shit. This may help you function for the day at least. This is especially true if you’re sad.

17. Don’t pity anyone. Ever. If someone is in unfortunate circumstances, and you are able to help them, then do it. If you can only offer support or words of encouragement and hope, then do it. Pity doesn’t get anyone anywhere.

18. Some people will always look for drama. Life is easier when those are not your people.

19. Bleach wipes. Buy them in bulk. Keep them everywhere.

20. Stay active. Never stop moving, no matter how slow. Move it or lose it is a true story!

21. Say Thank you. Nobody owes you a thing, not even common courtesy, unfortunately. Thank you goes a long way to reinforce doing the right thing.

22. Say Please. Why not? Again, a little goes a long way. Oh, and if you’re in a bad mood or feeling nasty, at least saying please will make you seem a bit sweeter.

23. When a kid asks you to read them a story, you have to say yes. It’s a rule. Or it should be. Everytime a child is read to, they are learning to read. Everytime a child is read to, they are relishing the attention. They are relaxing and so are you. And honestly, what does it take to read most kids books? 5 or 10 minutes, tops! Put your phone down. Stop folding laundry. Make that phone call in 10 minutes instead of now. Read the book.

24. You can’t possibly spoil a baby. Hug them. Love them. Kiss them. They need that shit. So do you.

25. NEVER wake a sleeping baby or toddler. NEVER. I don’t care if it keeps them up later. Waking them when they are asleep is like asking to see Satan. I would much rather have them lay in bed with me watching Disney Jr. while I sleep, if they are still awake at night, than have my entire afternoon or dinnertime and everything I need to do complete crap because the kid was grouchy.

26. Just say NO to slime! Tell them to leave that shit at school or camp or their friend’s houses! Slime is worse than playdoh! You will never think your saline solution will run out in 2 days until you let your kids make slime. You will buy gallon sized glue! The only time you should see gallon sized glue is in a school or daycare for Pete’s sake!! No Slime!

27. Go with your gut. If something doesn’t seem right, then it probably isn’t.

28. Pick your battles. You really don’t need to win them all. Sometimes you’ll just be dealing with an asshole and it’s better to walk away.

29. If you’re an exhausted parent, Wendy’s or McDonalds is a top notch meal for your kids. Don’t beat yourself up over it.

30. Popcorn can count as breakfast if you haven’t grocery shopped yet and the kids need to catch the bus. Hey, they’re fed, aren’t they?

31. Watch the sunset. Often. Watch the sunrise if you’re up that early cause that shits cool too.

32. Learn how to drive stick and write in cursive.

33. Keep your friends. Savor them. Be good to them. Someday they might be the only support you have left.

34. Listen to music, loud and often. Sing It! Turn that radio up! Get lost in a great song. It’s free therapy!

35. It’s perfectly acceptable to laugh at yourself. You’re going to do stupid stuff. We all do. Laugh it off and let it go. Trust me, someone, somewhere, is probably laughing at you right now.

36. Be nice to your mail carrier and sanitation engineer. They are there through all weather making sure we get taken care of, so smile and say “thank you”!

37. Travel. Often. Alot. Travel is by far the BEST way to spend your money (after the necessities of course, since you need to eat as well). I have seen 42 states and 4 countries and I am chomping at the bit to add to that list of places I’ve been. My children have already seen 27 states. It’s not as expensive as one would think. Plan it out or just jump in the car and go! The things that you think will drive you crazy will become some of the best memories you ever make. Like when Brody learned to pee in a bottle in the Jeep on 95 in New Jersey traffic while Hanna screamed about how it was so gross. Then he did it the rest of the trip so the baby wanted to try too. Well, one time he ended up peeing in Hanna’s face in New Orleans traffic. Good times, but I digress. Travel. Just go.

38. Join a team. The support and comraderie you will experience is unparalleled.

39. Get to know people. They will surprise you, for better or worse. People that come off as snobby, many times are just shy. People who seem sweet and nice, aren’t always trustworthy. Before you create an opinion about a person, learn a little first.

40. Get your butt outside! I love summer and could soak up sun and never get bored. Winter comes and I’m too freaking cold. I am still way happier though when I bundle up and get some fresh air. As humans we need nature. We need sun. We need fresh, outdoor air! So throw your long johns on and get some!!

41. Root for the home team. Nobody wants to hang with that annoying person talking crap about every one else’s favorite team. Unless you grew up in another state and bring that pride with you when you moved here, don’t go against the home team. Don’t be that person.

42. Celebrate your birthdays! Do it big! Have a birthday month! Screw the people that think you’re annoying! If you’re here on earth to live and breathe and get another year, LIVE IT UP!! Growing older is not something everyone gets to do. Too many people die too young. They didn’t get to live more years, but you do! Savor each and every one of them! Party like a rockstar! You deserve it baby!

43. Life changes in a heartbeat. Sometimes in good ways and sometimes in bad ones. LIVE!! Don’t ponder too long. Have fun!!!!! Do the things you want to do NOW. Be with the people that make your day brighter NOW!!!!! Savor every second and LOVE the shit out of your life!!!!!